Wish you were here

I'm Moving!!!

2007-01-05T21:59:00.000+09:00

I just purchased my own domain at www.AnnaTsang.com and am in the process of moving everything over...

Its still a work in progress, but check it out. :)

If you don't get redirected, just click the link.

Reading for aliens.

2007-01-02T22:39:00.000+09:00

Its raining outside. The air coming through my window is quite chilly. Its very uncharacteristic of summer for the weather to be so overcast and cold. Almost feels like autumn tonight.

And I shouldn't even be on here writing.

I should be 'working', doing my media planning for this coming school year but procrastination has gotten the better of me tonight. Its not like I don't want to get the work done, its just I have so many other things I would rather be doing right now. Like reading, listening to music, playing guitar or watching a movie.

I've been reading alot lately. Reading for me is somewhat a luxury. I have to say (and in fear of sounding like a total nerd) that books are among some of my few prized possessions. Do you remember that 80's movie 'My stepmother is an alien'? The stepmother played by Kim Basinger would read books by placing her forearm between the pages and read them in seconds. Sometimes I wish I could read like her, I wish I could inhale books. Theres only so many hours in the day.

But the past few days, though I have compromised my working schedule at the expense of this, has been so good. Its been like rediscovering a lost love. Its like seeing an old friend and being reminded why you love them all over again just by being with them. I love reading, its like watching a good film, it makes me feel.

Feels like home.

2006-12-11T23:16:00.000+09:00

Relationships. Life is all about relationships. The good, the bad and the well, just plain strange. I once heard someone say that women often judge the quality of their lives by the quality of their relationships. I have to say that I agree, for me at least.

I love being with my friends. I love being able to be around them, able to let my hair down and be me. I love being able to just muck around and be silly or ask the serious questions of life and feel totally at home. It feels so natural. It feels like family.

I've been to places where, though I've talked the whole night and met a whole bunch of people, I've left feeling like I know no one. I don't have a problem with small talk and getting to know people, not at all. I just think that conversation needs to eventually get past the surface stuff. It can be so hard in social situations, but maybe thats because of my interest to rather know who someone is, rather than what they have been up to. It can be frustrating because I think people are so interesting and I just want to know who they are.

I love my friends and I love Ruth, they feel like home to me. If the quality of ones life is based on the quality of ones relationships then these are the ones I want to base my life around.

Summer and the days coming.

2006-12-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

I slept all day today. I think my body needed to recover from 6 weeks of intensive teaching prac. I can't believe that its over, but I've also been hanging to relax and do things at my own pace.

I've got so much planning to do for next year, I'm basically teaching 6 subjects, 4 of them are upper schools subjects, and 2 of them are new courses of study. Yes, I really have my work cut out for me next year. Its going to be challenging but I'm looking forward to the challenge to grow. Amoungst that though, I do plan to enjoy myself and I already have some things on the agenda I have planned to acomplish this summer:

Learn to fingerpick and play the guitar better

Read more books

Learn more about God and have a better understanding about why I believe christianity and a real relationship with God is true

Teach myself Macromedia Flash

Build a website

Get to know some people better

Heres to a new season of life :)

2006-11-27T07:25:00.000+08:00

Trust me, my love

Hope. Don't give up on me

Come fight for it

Rescue, be brave.

Come on in, come on in

...can you love me?

2006-11-21T22:58:00.000+08:00

Its been too many nights of being with,
to now be

suddenly without.

Can you love me?

2006-11-21T07:13:00.000+08:00

There are some things in life I just can't explain and there are many things in life I just don't understand. I guess thats just part of the journey to find out more, to understand better. Some days I feel more overwhelmed than others.

I'm on the last leg of my prac right now. As much as I am loving it I find myself hankering to have lazy afternoons without the intensity to have it all together, to be prepared and organised. Being organised is not in my natural nature so its been an extra effort to stay on top of everything. I can't wait for the summer to let my hair down.

I'm loving life despite its challenges and confusion. Challenge and confusion is a part of the journey. Its what makes it interesting. It just wouldn't be life without it.

And I'm discovering a part of me I don't think I really acknowledged before. A part of my heart that I know God has placed there from the very beginning. To be comfortable in my own skin, understanding who I am better and be totally okay with it. Not feeling like I need to impress anyone but to do what I believe to be right.

Life is crazy, busy and confusing but its all part of this journey God has set out for me. I'm savouring each step because there is no other day like this.

Whats simple is true.

2006-11-13T16:34:00.000+08:00

I think there is something to be said for simplicity.

After everything said and done, I find my heart just wanting to go back to simple things. The simple things where black is black and white is white. Where yes's meant yes and no's meant no. I am not liking the shades of grey and maybe's anymore.

I think there is something to be said for simplicity. There is an waited sigh to strip everything back to basics. There is a need to return to the simple things I know and forgo all that my mind can't understand.

When all that consumes falls away there is no expectation, no premonition and no pretension. When there is nothing else, there is only humility.

All I know is that God takes me as He finds me with all my fears and failures, strips away all that is unneccessary only to build me again into something (hopefully) more beautiful.

I am finding comfort in His simplicity.

Satisfied.

2006-10-26T19:52:00.000+08:00

I am so exhausted I feel like my frail body is about to crumble into peices. Its almost the end of my first week of my teaching prac and I think my body and my brain is trying to get used to the fulltime workload.

I am totally loving it though, I think the kids are great and the teachers are so lovely and helpful. Its amazing working in a christian enviroment, its so encouraging. But amongst that I think the word busy is an understatement. Between church, lesson planning and prac I've been finding solence in God, music and my guitar. Its my 'me' time and I am savoring the small opportunities to be immersed in it.

Other than that I am really excited. I'm really looking forward to working next year and all the great relationships I will have to build with my students and the teachers. I have all these cool little ideas about the way I want to set up my classroom, it is going to be so fun!

I'm witnessing God unfold some amazing things right now in my life and in my church and for that I can't help but feel so thankful.

I am so exhausted right now but I can't help but feel so satisfied.

He says I...

2006-10-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

.. am precious
.. am a new creation
.. am looked after by God
.. belong
.. am confident
.. am victorious
.. am in His Hand
.. am growing
.. have purpose
.. am beautiful
.. am wise
.. am valuable
.. am a overcomer
.. am dearly loved
.. am a daughter of the King
.. am accepted
.. am strong and dignified
.. am complete
.. am chosen
.. am transforming
.. am healed
.. am blessed
.. am strong
.. am His child

Storm

2006-10-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

How long have I
been in this storm?

So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
everything will be alright
If I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
everything will be alright
If I see you
the storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
I know everything is alright
Everything's alright

- Lifehouse

Lazily excited!

2006-09-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

I'm in a funny mood tonight. Maybe its a melancholic mood, whatever it is I've managed to sit in my room all day and not really do anything productive. I've done about half a page of my media assignment and have listened to my 'Easy Listening' music playlist about three times over today. I just want to lie on my bed and do nothing - a lazy day.

Somethings I'm getting pretty excited about, firstly I'm going to Sportsfest this weekend! I'm really looking forward to meeting everyone and getting to know everyone better; and also just to help out where ever I can. Also really excited about hanging out with the Quinns Baptist students and getting to know them too. Which also brings me to my second reason I'm excited... I got a teaching job!!!

I already have a job lined up for next year and I haven't even graduated yet, how awesome is that?! I am so excited, I can't wait to get into it and get to know all the students and staff. Not only that, but I'll be the first one to set up the media course of study as media has never been run in that school. Its going to be an exciting and challenging year next year! Who would of thought I would be a media teacher? God's really flung open all the doors, from applying for my Dip Ed to getting a job. From start to finish He's paved my way straight. He's so amazing and I am so blessed!

There is so much to look foward to in my life and in the life of the people around me... God is so good! :)

Leaving familiarity

2006-09-22T13:12:00.000+08:00

Its an interesting feeling, leaving familiarity. It almost feels as though ones been underwater and is breaking through the surface to take a breath of air. Maybe it can also be likened to the feeling of fresh cold air when it hits the lungs that makes it feel so liberating. So invigorating.

I think that we can be so caught up with the now and totally miss the perspective of the bigger picture. There is so much beauty in the world and God is doing so many things - and sometimes we miss that. Sometimes we can only see whats going wrong. When that happens, find myself caught up in my own things, my problems and my own little world. Those are the times I just need to sit down and gather myself in God's presence - And I'm reminded once again how small my world really is, and how my life is not really about me, but for others. I'm reminded once again why I am doing this.

The past few months have been an interesting journey for me. I've been reminded and have learnt so many things. I just wanted to share with you a few momentos I've collected and enjoyed lately:

There are great guys out there!

I'm loving dining out and trying new things

Real friendships are so important - its the basis to anything

People are so interesting and multifaceted

God has destined for me a beautiful life

Boundarys are not always mutual

God will never leave us high and dry with no way out

As a christian, I am relevant

Honesty is always the best policy

God's outworking of grace is beyond comprehension

Love can cover everything

Sometimes we don't even realise we are living beneath the surface till we come up for air.

2006-09-18T23:38:00.000+08:00

Dear Jesus,

I love you, I need you. I come before you now, once again, as yours, asking for your help, your grace. My life is yours. My heart is yours. Would you please come and shine your light into the depths of my heart that I might understand myself better and come to know your healing and your presense more deeply. Help me to remember what I need to remember.

Help me to see, to understand, to repent, to forgive and to become. Jesus, I give you all access to all of my heart. I invite you into every part. Come Holy Spirit, have your way - that I might love you, God, more deeply and truly with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength.

In Jesus' name I pray.

Amen.

Beautiful Daughter

2006-09-12T21:23:00.000+08:00

I can't really verbalise how I am feeling right now other than an intense feeling of knowing and surrender.

Hearing what the girls said at Beautiful Daughter tonight really sowed into my heart something I feel like I had forgotten for a time.

Tonight really reminded me that I am a beautiful daughter, I am valuable and I have a Father that wants only what is best for me. He wants me to have a beautiful life, something bigger and greater than anything I could ever dream of. I never want to lose the dreams He has placed in my heart.

I want so much more.

I am a beautiful daugher called to live a beautiful life.

Things I would rather be doing right now than this computing assignment:

2006-09-09T20:07:00.000+08:00

(In no particular order)

Reading a book

Hanging out with Ruth

Sleeping

Watching a movie

Having a quiet time with God

Writing on my blog

Meeting someone new

Going to the Furnace

Socialising

2006-09-03T06:48:00.000+08:00

What can I say? What can I do?

But offer this heart of mine completely to You...

How do you love the unlovable?

2006-08-31T01:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am a masochist.

I wonder if its because of loving and caring about people so much that I feel so raw sometimes. I'm realising now more and more how much I need to rely on God right now. I need Him to help me expand my heart, to keep it open and soft. I don't want hurt to become a bitterness that callous's my heart. I need Him to fill me with love, so I can give out generously.

But how do you love the unlovable?

I'm realising the unlovable comes in many shapes and forms. The unlovable has even at times been myself.

And then I am realising that sometimes I just need to let go. That sometimes its ok to let go. Letting go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do this for someone else. To let go is to not be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but allow others to affect their own outcomes. Letting go is not to deny, but accept.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes. To let go is not to critise and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

Most of all to let go is to fear less and love more.

I am still.

2006-08-26T21:15:00.000+08:00

I think I have finally managed to run my body down. Its Taya's 18th birthday tonight and here I am at home trying to fight off exhaustion and proberly dehydration.

The past week has been hectic to say the least. Too many late nights, assignments, coffee and diet pepsi has finally gotten to me and now my body is refusing to move and my throat has begun to get sore. I've just taken some cold and flu tables and am keeping by my side a huge bottle of water. I didn't realise till today from Ann that that diet pepsi didn't count as part of our daily liquid intake! :S

I have to admit, it feels kind of nice to be at home. With nowhere to go, noone to see and no assignments to do (I am taking a break tonight). To just sit here and be still. To gather myself in God's presense and not have to spend time with Him on the run, in my car or because I need something.

Alot of things have been running through my head the past few weeks. Alot of it has to do with having a change of thinking in a few areas of life and re-thinking through what I had previously thought the only 'right' way to do something.

Along with that I'm also trying to restucture the way the new christian girls team serve our new christians, have meetings and make phonecalls whilst trying to juggle uni, uni assignments and all the rest that that entails. I've also had to let go of my commitments at the Furnace, its a plate I am unable to spin right now in this season. I am learning to work out of rest!

All I can hear right now is: Be still and know that I am God.

Photos from my 24th Birthday

2006-08-26T01:31:00.000+08:00

2006-08-25T12:58:00.000+08:00

Where mountains fall and reason fails,
You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me.

All I know is I find rest in You.

Painting pictures.

2006-08-24T00:13:00.000+08:00

I've come to realise that picking peoples brains is a much enjoyed hobby of mine.

I've been thinking about this lately, like about why sometimes I can walk away from a conversation knowing more about the other person than they do about me. Maybe this is why I love meeting new people, I love getting to know people, I love trying to understand where they are coming from and what makes them tick. People are so interesting.

Actually I was lying in bed this morning thinking about this, just thinking about my own thought processes when I talk to people and why I am the way I am around people and I realised one thing. I like to paint pictures of people in my mind. I like to imagine their life, what it would be like to be them and the context of what they are saying - I like to paint visual pictures. I ask questions because I am interested and it helps me to visualise.

Its part of my wire up, I am an auditory/visual learner. If you catch me staring into space or looking away when you are talking to me, I am listening! But I am also trying to visualise what you are saying. You can literally see me processing my thoughts.

Maybe thats why I love being in a room full of strangers. Each person in that room is like a feature film waiting to be explored. I love trying to see the world from another persons point of view. Especially those people I care about, I want to understand where they are coming from.

That is proberly why when there is confrontation I like to talk things through and understand why someone said or acted the way they did. I think I am proberly like the worst person to have a confrontation with, especially if someone doesn't want to talk about it (frustrating!) because I have a tendancy to keep pursuing a matter till I understand where the person is coming from and had an opportunity to resolve it. I hate disagreements. I don't see the point on dragging them out, thinking things that could be totally wrong or feeling hurt when all of that could be talked through. Most of the time its just a misunderstanding, which is why I really want to understand.

Maybe it comes down to loving people and seeing people through God's eyes. That people are valuable, unique and worth fighting for. I don't understand fully understand why I feel this way about people because before God opened my eyes, I was the most selfish person in the world. All I ever thought about was me, and how I felt and how things will effect me. All I can think is that I put value on others because He loved me first and put value on me. Its not about me.

There is so much beauty in people.

:)

Lovely.

2006-08-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

You're the sweet dreams that soothe me
when I can't fall asleep.
You're the field
in the middle of the city.
When I'm rushing by
at the speed of light.

You're the strong resolution
when I find no peace.
You're the church bells ringing
in the evening.
When all is quiet,
Your whisper comfort
lifts my heart.
I get so weak.

Ohhh.... You're lovely, lovely
You're the center of my universe.
A thousand times
I look around me and I find...

Ohh... you're lovely.
You're the center of my universe.

A million ways
cannot explain,
you're lovely.

I am loving this song by Michelle Tumes. God truely is lovely.

This song reminds me of the peace He brings to my heart, when my world feels like it is spinning out of control - He is my anchor. Hes the tender words that touch my heart when I just can't speak.

He is my soft place to fall.

I love how my relationship with God is so much like a romance. Where every day He is loving me, pursuing me, placing value on me. He makes me feel sought after - He gets past my messiness to find the woman He has created me to be.

This is the romance I experience every day of my life and for this I am so thankful.

His love

2006-08-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

Is it possible to feel anymore loved by God?

I found myself crying in my car on the way home tonight just so overwhelmed by how much God loves me. I am so not worthy of His love, I mess up, say and do the wrong things all the time - yet He still loves me. And not just loves me like "yeah I think shes alright" type thing but He loves me in abundance.

She is special, she is valued, she is precious.

She is worth fighting for.

I am worth fighting for. Wow. To God I was worth dying for, I am forgiven. I always say that anything worth anything is going to cost something. Its going to cost sacrifice. Jesus died for me, how much does that make me worth?

There is security in Gods love. His love is liberating. I can be me because I know He loves me. He created me, designed me - He saw me before I was even born. It is ok to be me.

I know this proberly sounds pretty basic to some, but thinking about it today and the reality of what it means to be loved by God really blows my mind.

It just highlights to me how much I really am living in Gods grace every day.

Sunset Coast Christian Life Centre

2006-08-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

Here I am sitting at home revelling in the aftermath of another awesome Friday night service at my church.

Wow.

Every Friday night I come home in total amazement at what God is doing and falling more in love with my church family. I am really so blessed to be able to be a part of it. I know I say this so often, maybe to the point of ad nausem of how much I love my church but I can't help it!

What do I love about it? Well, where do I begin? The people - There are so many passionate, genuine quality people at church. The friendliness - it is such a friendly church. I know for sure that if I brought a friend and left them alone for a while someone WILL come up and talk to them.

I love how people can just come to church and be a part of it without having any hoops to jump through - 'Membership' is obtained by being there week in week out, passionate serving and committed. The family oriented-ness - I love how its a generational church where the older people come cheer and support the younger ones.

I just love how the 'adults' come and just give a word or encouragement or even bless me with money (because they know how broke I am to afford petrol to pick up girls!) and even resources that will help me grow in my walk with God! I invited some of them to my birthday and they were so game! Imagine adults (40+) at a birthday party full of young twenty somethings! They came, had a good time, mucked around with us and then told me as they were leaving how priviledged that I invited them to come! I should really be the one priviledged for them to come to my birthday! so crazy..!

I love how ingrained it is in the culture that this church is a family. So as part of this family we serve and do what we can to help out. Even the big men on the business council are in the carpark week in, week standing in the rain or in the blazing sun in serving and committed helping to park the cars - These are the big guys who earn the big bucks! Such humility.

I love the leadership that has been placed over me that really care about developing me to my God given potential. Always challenging me and being there to support me. Gosh, the amount of times I've run to them for advice. They have so much wisdom and encouragement. I love how my senior pastors are so obviously in love with God, life and each other. I see that and I feel secure.

Most of all I love what God is doing there and how He is using us. Every weekend is powerful and miraculous. People are crossing over from death to life, peoples lives are being transformed and every week people are going deeper with God.

And thats what its all about - Relationship with God and His people. This is my family.

Purpose.

2006-07-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

What is the point of this life if there was no God?

If there was no God and the world came about in a huge bang and we evolved from amoebas, no thought involved - we just happened. Bang. And we miraculously evolved, our bodies intricately functioning together and our environment so perfectly in synch.

If there is no God and we came from a bang, an accident, a freak of 'nature' - then what is the point of this life? Why are we here? If our lives are so essentially meaningless, what's the point of living? If we are all going to die anyways, why bother getting an education? A job? A family? I might as well just give up.

With no purpose our very existence is pointless.

But my God gives me purpose. He puts importance on my life. He puts value on me.

We are not on this planet on some hit and miss mission hoping maybe we will get this thing called life right. Maybe I'll try this relationship, this drug or this fad and maybe, just maybe, I'll get it right. No. We are here for a purpose, a God given, God breathed purpose. You are not an accident.

I guess I am trying to understand how someone can believe that there is no God. I guess I am trying to understand how someone can judge God based on the bad things of the world and say He doesn't exist and that if He does He is a bad God. When its by the choices us humans are making and have made that these things have happened.

Yes, my God is a HUGE God, and there are a lot of things still I don't understand about the whys and hows of what He does. There has been countless amount of times I've looked up at the heavens and sighed "Why God?" But at the end of the day I just have to look around and see all the good things He IS doing.

To believe there is no God is such a cop out.

Week in and week out I am seeing peoples lives be transformed by His love, families are being restored, and people being healed. I just have to look at my own life and the journey I have traveled to see the amazing grace and mercy He has given me. I am living a life transformed.

The Truth has been revealed to me and I refuse to deny it.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God-you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration-what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

Hello 24.

2006-07-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

Blessed.

I think thats the only word I can use to explain the way I feeling right now. Today is my birthday. I am 24. I can't believe it. Last night Rob and I had a combined buffet birthday dinner at The Rendezvous Hotel with 77 of our closest friends.

It was such a great night! I was so overwhelmed. It always blows me away to know that people really care. Like, I know they do.. but I guess I have never felt so honored at a birthday before. Sunset Coasters are so great like that... honoring people. :)

24. Twenty four. If last year was anything to go by, this year is going to a great one!

A sense of humor

2006-07-29T21:50:00.000+08:00

My gosh, how attractive is a genuine sense of humor?

Real, raw and relevant

2006-07-25T23:23:00.000+08:00

I have itchy feet. No I don't mean literally, but in the way that in my spirit I feel like I need to do something. I mean really do something. Maybe I should describe it better if I say I have an itchy spirit.

Something needs to be done. I have a picture for my life where I want to live a life that is so passionately sold out for Jesus. Where everyday I am laying down my life for what I so passionately believe to be true. Not in some weird religious spiro way but in way that reflects the relevant reality of God.

I'm sick of comfortable christianity. I'm sick of routine and familarity. I'm sick of seeing our youth settle for the lies of the enemy through society and the media. The ideas getting fed to them about sex, relationships, who they are and their value systems are so screwed up. Things need to get shaken up. Mind sets need to change. This society needs to change.

Someone needs to start a movement that will show this generation how relevant Jesus is. That there is another way. We need role models, we need media coverage, we need music and we need christians who are so sold out for the cause and the vision they are willing to risk anything with a 'whatever-it-takes' spirit! I'm sick of christians who are so inward focused and Sunday morning christians who live double lives. Who are you?

I am sick of sterotypes. "Good little christian girl". Safe, comfortable and politcally correct. The christian life is a life of power, boldness and courage. To be the head and not the tail. Where we stand unwavering by what we believe in and don't compromise ourselves in an attempt to be unoffensive.

Ruth said something so true tonight as we were driving home from the Impact World Tour Dessert night. God has given us these passions in our hearts to see lives transformed, but not only that but He has given us opportunity to meet influential founders of organisations that we are passionate about. I don't know what God is doing, but I know as I allow myself to be used by Him its going to be huge. This is so not about me. This goes beyond who I am and my capacity. This is about a bigger picture, beyond anything any eye (especially mine) can see. It's amazing.

The Truth sets you free - And it is real, raw and relevant.

What more do you need?

2006-07-25T11:53:00.000+08:00

Its a bizarre yet liberating feeling being on holidays. To be young, good music blasting in the car with a full tank of petrol, best friend at my side, with money to be free to do whatever we want (I love tax returns!), see whoever we want and stay out as late as we want. Its an exciting feeling.

I'm loving my holidays. Ruth and I have managed to do so much new, random and spontaneous things together. Sunday was one of those days. We left home about 7am to pick up girls for church and came home at 1am the next day. Sometime after lunch with a friend in the city, we managed to stop off at home for an hour - just enough for a quick power nap (Ruth had to actually come and wake me up I almost over slept), before we had to go off to Hillarys to meet someone else for coffee.

After coffee we ended up going to Innaloo to meet up with some other friends and had a few games at TimeZone and then after headed off to the Furnace for a little bit. It was a full on day but I loved the fact we could just call someone and go "Hey what are you doing? Lets do something, I'm coming over!!," and just hang out and do whatever. Living life full on for God, life and people is something so exhilarating!

We are free and young with a full tank of petrol - what more do you need? :)

Wisdom.

2006-07-22T01:28:00.000+08:00

God knows how much more I need of it.

Every time I think I'm starting to have it all together, I manage to disprove myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am way over my head in where I am serving at church. Can I possibly do this? Surely there is someone more capable... Infact I know there are many others more capable. So why me? Why have me stumble along when there is someone more efficient to do the job? Surely this is too important and too much is at stake to entrust this to someone who doesn't really know exactly what she is doing...

I guess its something that really God only knows. I never asked to do this, and sometimes the challenge of it even makes me wish I wasn't. But if God can use me full of faults and silliness, then so be it. I am amateur but willing. God gives and takes away. And if He decides to take away, its all good. Who I am isn't so entwined with this title that it is my identity.

Maybe my prayers have been answered all along. That in telling God I want to do something awesome for Him in this life, where everyday is a huge step of faith and desperation, He's telling me He's done it. Here I am expecting something huge and amiable, and He's just saying: "Yeah, this is it."

I reply: "What do you mean 'this is it'?? This can't be it! Where is the persecution, dying to self and the whole miracles sense of 'I'm-living-on-a-prayer-and-if-You-don't-pull-through-now-its-all-going-to-fall'?"

He says: "You're living it right now."

Whoa. Okay, now this is freaking me out.

"How can I be living it right now? Surely I was born for something great..."

He says: "You are. You are doing it right now. Ushering people into the Kingdom of God, is that not great? Responding to salvations, is that not great? Caring for the new Christian babies in my intensive care, who will one day be the next Christine Caines' and Joyce Myers' of the world, is that not great?"

" ... "

He continues: "If you don't see the greatness in what you are doing now, how can I give you more? What you are doing now is so important. Its more important than what you will ever realise on this side of eternity.

Look after my sheep. Look after them with such faith in who I have planned for them to become. Look after them with such a passion for them to know Me. Care for them with such a desperation for them to stay on the path I have laid out for them. And pray for them like everything depends on Me.

Is not what I am asking of you great?
Is not what I am asking of you going to and has already cost you something?"

Thank you God for your Grace, encouragement and your gentle conviction to do better.

Finding a little rest

2006-07-21T16:42:00.000+08:00

Argh, I think I am coming down with a cold. I can't really remember the last time I was sick so I guess I've been pretty blessed health wise.

Last night I managed to have a night in. It was surprisingly something different for both Ruth and I since we've been galavanting (gosh, I love that word) around Perth for the past week and a half. Staying up late and waking up early (10am is early if you consider I have been going to bed around 3am on average) just trying to make the most of everyday and the holidays whilst they last.

It was nice to have a night in. I managed to have an awesome quiet time with God and by the end of it I felt alot more centered and internally organised. I really need to sit down and just be in His presense more often rather than trying to do it in the car on my way somewhere. Wow, thats a word for me: to sit down and just be. Rather than running around trying to do everything all the time. Busy-ness can be a sin and rest is good.

This morning Ruth and I went down to a meeting at Pregnancy Problem House in Nollamara for their Choices, Decisions, Outcomes High school program. Its an awesome and much needed program that goes into high schools to give students strategies to making informed decisions regarding relationships and sexual activity. It really is such a priviledge to be part of it.

One of the ladies at Pregancy Problem House mentioned how a collegue at work was in a wrong relationship and she gave her a CDO bookmark about what true love is and woman was so grateful. It just highlighted to me the need for programs like these. How can a grown adult woman not know what love is and how she should be treated? Just blows my mind, but its so common. Its as if they don't think they deserved to be treated with respect and love. The number of friends I know who are in relationships that are complacent where they are stuck in the same old routines. Maybe once they were in love but now the relationship lacks love and care.

Complacency makes it easier to just to stay in a unloving relationship rather acknowledging its not right and parting ways. Its too much hassle having to start from scratch again with someone else. This is the mentality of it all. I guess as people we are always trying to fill a God shaped void in our hearts with people or things. Everybodys worshipping something. But nothing in this world will ever satisfy like God and His love. Trust me, I know.

I went down the the Furnace after. I really wanted to finish a painting I had started yesterday. What meant to be a really quick 30min thing felt like an hour but in reality was two hours. There seems to be no concept of time in there. Sometimes when I am painting I can feel Gods presense so thick despite the sounds of other people in the room. I am in my own little world.

God dreams.

2006-07-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

*sigh*
Have you ever felt like you were so overwhelmed with something so huge, but you can't quite put your finger on exactly what it is? I don't know what's wrong with me, maybe its all this talk of God dreams lately.

I've always loved the Psalm 37:4 scripture "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." God gives us the desires of our heart when we find joy and purpose in Him. I believe it and trust it completely that God will and does do this for each one of us that are walking in relationship with Him. I guess the thing is that if God is going to give me the desires of my heart - I proberly should figure out what they are.

For ages I never really knew my passions were or my giftings, till I realised its often the thing that comes so naturally to us we don't even think its special. I love the fact God has made us all so uniquely different. I love how Hes all given us passions for different things yet in one way or another they all work together to serve His big picture. Its the same goal but just different methods or strategies for each person.

So what are my passions?
What gets me out of bed?

I guess if I really think hard, the core of it is people. I just love people, I love watching people, I love talking to people, I love getting into their world and trying to see their reality. People are so fascinating. But specifically, I am passionate about seeing people come to know God personally and seeing their lives be transformed for the better. I am passionate about connecting people both to God and others and I am passionate about being His hands and feet, showing people how relevant today He really is.

Its these are the passions that fuel my God dreams. These are things that fire me up, these are the things that get me out of bed in the morning and these are the things that make me say "See! We need a Christian music show with something like that on Channel 10!" whenever I hear a Christian rock/hip hop/dance/pop song on the Sonshine FM.

God dreams: They are so important for God has placed them in the depths of our hearts. I haven't quite figured out my God dream yet, and I doubt I will really know it for a while. All I know is that its got something to do with what I am doing now so I need to be faithful in what He has given me for the time being.

I know I want to do something awesome for God in this lifetime. I want to do something that is such a step of faith, that is so life transforming and God honoring that there is a sense of desperation for God to pull through. To do anything great for God is going to cost something.

Dare to dream big, after all, we serve a big God :)

Worth-ship: Giving honor & worth to God

2006-07-17T10:59:00.000+08:00

23 going on 24.

2006-07-17T02:28:00.000+08:00

Wow, are we really halfway though July already? I'm turning twenty four in a couple weeks and its kinda spinning me out. Am I really turning twenty four? Crazy, I still feel about 20.

I'm loving being twenty three, I've done so much and grown so much (and still am!). As unsure of turning twenty four I am, I think it only has to get better! Actually I am kinda feeling like I am running out of time! Theres so much crazy stuff I want to do for God in this current season and its like time is flying by. Seems like only yesterday (ok, a long yesterday) that Carrie, Ann, Ruth and I were celebrating my 22nd birthday.

I mentioned to Ruth over dinner this past week how I didn't want to look back on my life and not have done something significant for God and she aptly reminded me about what we are doing in New Christians. I was reminded how important and significant it really is. To be an active part in seeing people's lives get transformed by God - now that is HUGE. Gosh, I can't even express what the feeling is like to see a girl that I know I have helped disciple, transform from someone who was so broken, so hurt, carrying so much baggage to become passionate, serving and committed to Gods house! It makes me so in awe of God. Wow. Amazing.

This year for my 24th birthday I'm having a combined one with a friend whos turning 28. A combined birthday will be another first for me - I love first times! A buffet dinner at the Rendezvous Hotel with 40 of our closest friends... Yep, 24 is going to be an awesome year!

Live hard. Work hard. Party hard.

Something new, random or spontaneous

2006-07-16T00:47:00.000+08:00

Gosh. What have I been up to this week? Where do I even begin...?

I've made a promise to myself that this semester break I would do something new, random or spontaneous every day - and I have to admit I've done pretty well so far! We've stayed up late, gone out till the wee hours of the morning, did coffee at random hours of the night/morning, gone on random spur of the moment road trips, watched movies that made us cry, laugh or fall in love.

We have attended conferences, leaders meetings, social dinners and met many new people, we've driven to the other side of Perth to go shopping, eaten out (alot), tried new foods, brought new things, hung out at the Furnace, played late night board games at cafes, and at the end of it all slept in (Mmm, bliss). This is the stuff life should be made of, living life to its fullest, spontaneous and fun whilst making God connections with other people. Always reaching out and embracing everything and everyone that God had to offer us in life.

Ruth and I have hung out alot this past week, and shes been such a blessing to me in so many ways. Its like we are making up for the 13 weeks we are at uni when we hardly get to spend quality time with each other regardless of the fact we live under the same roof. Ruth is good quality.

There are so many things God has been speaking to me about this past week both personally and in leadership, I don't even know where to begin. I'm just trying to process it all in an intelligible format. I know Club180, our new christians program is going into a new level and I really pray that God will use me and the rest of the team in whatever way He needs - A 'Whatever it takes' Spirit! I'm believing and expectant for more salvations and healthy and strong new christians full of purpose and destiny being fed into the church!

Gosh, I love life!

I think I am in love.

2006-07-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

After spending 6 hours on Sunday with my latest love interest things have never been the same. I am in love with Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice (I jest!), and I am not talking the latest Hollywood version but the BBC 6 hour series!

Oh my gosh.. How good is it! We sat there for 6 hours straight and watched the whole thing - I was glued to the set! I have to say the original BBC version of Pride and Prejudice has to be up there in one of my all time favorites list. I don't know what is it about Mr Darcy? Maybe for the fact he stands for integrity and honor, his humble awkwardness and honesty. Such great qualities in a guy.

Ruth and I watched a Walk to Remember this week too. Oh wow, I don't think I've cried so much in a movie as that one! The lead guy in it is pretty wonderful too. The love, care and self sacrificing effort he had to try to fulfill everyone of Jamies dreams was so beautiful...

It gives me such a hope. And I know these are just characters in a movie, but the truth is there are great guys like that out there. I know this because my friends have married and are dating genuine integrious guys like these.

To be loved in the same manner that Jesus loves me: passionate, sacrificing, honest, romantic and pure. Wow, a true love like this is so beautiful.

Random acts of randomness

2006-07-09T22:27:00.000+08:00

Since about 3pm on Friday I've been in party mode! Theres nothing like the feeling of being able to do anything you want whenever you want - now my prac is over I can offically switch of my brain and thats exactly what I have done.

After church on Friday Ruth and I went to a friends birthday party which was good fun. It was nice to catch up and connect with people my own age again and not have to worry about having to wake up early in the morning! Afterwards Ruth and I randomly went to the Moon Cafe in Northbridge for a coffee at 12am! I'm loving the Moon Cafe, its so funky and retro in there.

When we got home in the wee hours of the morning I tried to edit my blog but the busy-ness of the past week must of hit me. I found myself passed out on my bed fully dressed amongst my clean laundry that had been travelling from chair to bed and back, over the past week or so. Theres just not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do!

It was lovely being able to sleep in on Saturday. With nothing much planned Ruth and I watched the new Hillsong DVD (Darlene Zschech is so down to earth!). When it finished Ruth and I just looked at each other "Soo... what do you want to do now?" "Uhm, wanna go down to Mandurah?", "OK, sure". So we found ourselves on our way to Mandurah to hang out. Gotta love the randomness of it all. Feel like doing this? Ok sure, lets do it!

This holiday I plan to do as much randomness that I can. I'm not working, I have no where to be apart from church activities and all the time in the world. Coffee at 2am? Driving to Lancelin to go star gazing? Feel like hanging out? Cool, lets go.

Got to love uni holidays...

My first prac at Mindarie is over!

2006-07-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

Exhale.

I feel like I've finally had a moment to sit down and breath.

My two week teaching prac at Mindarie Senior College has finally ended and though I am relieved I can finally rest and turn my brain off, the thought it is my last time there was bittersweet. I had such a great time on prac, the students were great, the staff were great - Mindarie is really a great school! I didn't want to leave...

I have to admit, it wasn't easy though. From day one I was thrown into it, taking pretty much four classes of media and not only trying to get to know all the students and teach them but having to learn the content material as well. I have a new found respect for teachers. It really is alot of work, and more than being a job it is a lifestyle.

My social life was pretty much obsolete over the past fortnight, living on average 5 hours sleep a night and surviving on energy drinks to get me through the day I am surprised my liver hasn't decided to call it a day on me! Yes, full on is definately how I would of described it, but as tiring as it was it was so fulfilling.

The students there are so full of potential. They are so funny, interesting and individually unique. I wish I had more time to just sit down and get to know them better. I was sitting with Ruth at Dome tonight and I just thought "wow God is so amazing". Who would of thought I would be a teacher? When I started my degree in Digital Media all I wanted was a job where I could sit in a cubical and not have to talk to anyone. Now, even the thought of going somewhere where there are people excites me. People are so facinating and full of potential its crazy. God has just opened the doors for me to get into teaching and even I can't believe the heart change God has done in me.

I know I have been called to make a difference and seeing it unfold before my eyes is something I can't quite put into words.

Monday Vs. Tuesday

2006-06-27T18:03:00.000+08:00

Well prac has started this week and I've made it to day two.

Monday was a disaster. I didn't have enough time over the weekend to plan anything decent for Monday morning's double period, so I ended up getting up at 2am (after going to bed at 11pm!) to try and get this lesson finished! I was so nervous and unprepared (how confidant can you really be when you have to wake up at 2am?!) that I stuttered and mumbled through the first hour. Thankfully I was able to introduce them to the new task so I could give them the next hour to work on it.

By third period I was so delerious with tiredness I couldn't even think straight, much less talk straight and I had to take another class that afternoon! I hate feeling unprepared... its like one of the worst feelings! Plus one of my classes wouldn't stop talking through my lesson even thought I tried for sympathy points and told them how knackered I was! I was on the verge of throwing the towel in.

I had to keep myself from falling asleep in the car all the way home, and then to find myself at home crashed on the bed. In what supposed to be a 'nap' to recoup before I had to make my way to The Furnace, turned into a 2 hour endevour and an hour late for my monking duties! Sleep deprived, exhausted and frazzled. Yes..Monday was not a good day for me...

Today thank God, was alot better. Being with the students in my refreshed attitude and state of mind made me realise that despite yesterday, I really do enjoy being with them. The funny thing was, there was a class I thought I was just going to go through the exam with, but within 5 mins of walking in there I realised that I had already done that with them previously! I had nothing prepared to teach! So quickly I skim read the textbook for a couple of minutes, jotted down some main points and then improvised a lesson on australian culture and values - I can't believe I managed to pull off that 2 hour lesson but it went surprisingly well!

Thats just like life isn't it? You have your up days when you feel like you have the world at your feet and then you have your bad days where you just want to curl up and cry. Like what Pastor Gerad says "never get off the train when you're in a tunnel" - never give up when the going gets tough because tomorow is going to be brighter and pushing through just builds in me more character. And when we still don't know what to do, we just stand and refuse to be swayed.

Its an amazing feeling when you know you are walking in God's Will for your life :)

The Mercy Ministries Gala Ball

2006-06-25T00:27:00.000+08:00

It was such a wonderful night!

I felt like a fly on the wall watching the beautiful beginning of a fairytale for my friend... ahh, hopes and dreams :)

Not only did the night end there though... from ballgowns to ugg boots we went to another friends house to watch the soccer at 2am, Australia vs. Croatia! Nothing like going to bed at 6am, waking up at 11am and having Tim tams for breakfast!

The Mercy Ball 2006 + Me, Cazzie and Ruthie

The Girls: Me, Reeze, Ruth and Carrie + The big band

Gaz and Reeze + the beautiful table centre pieces

The audience + Caz and Robbie

I'm loving this season at the moment :)

Princess for a night

2006-06-22T13:38:00.000+08:00

What is it about preparing for a ball that makes everything seem so beautiful? From the hair, makeup and the dress to the anticipation as you walk through those doors. When you're going to a ball you just know its going to be a beautiful night. I suppose its something in every girls heart to want be a princess, or at least look the part if only for one night.

Tonight Ruth and I are going to the Mercy Ministries Gala Ball and though we are not attending as guests but are there to serve the night, its been exciting just getting ready and getting all dressed up! Its also an exciting night for my friend whos been asked to go by a great guy at our church! I'm so excited for her! Theres something so beautiful and nice about being chosen, especially by a great guy! She so deserves this blessing and more :)

I'm feeling so priviledged I can be a part of tonight, to be an active part of making this Mercy House happen. We need a house here, there are so many girls who are hurting and the eastern states is just so FAR to go to get help! Tonight we are helping to serve the vision of a bigger picture, to know we are a part of this adventure too - its such a great feeling!

Tonight: I'm feeling like a princess and playing a part in an big adventure... I almost have all three! My friend much deservingly will have the third: to be treated like a princess :) Yay!

5 church services later...

2006-06-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

I fell asleep on the couch before the Soccer World Cup even started at 12am last night. Carrie and Ruth being the troopers they, are managed to stay up and watch the rest of Brazil beating the Soccoroos 2:nil. Just as well I am backing England too!!

This weekend has just fully caught up with me. After going to about 5 church services and organising bits and pieces, its no wonder I passed out on the couch at the stroke of 12! This Sunday's service was great - convicting and challenging. It really made me think about where I am right now and how I got there. Because I really don't know how in the world I got to where I am, and many times I just think about how in over my head I am with this whole leadership thing. Pastor Gerad talked about the time when Pastor Brian Houston asked him to be the regional leader over all these influencial people and how he went home totally freaking out. He wrote a list of why he wasn't the person to do this and planned to share this with Pastor Brian the next day. I just had to laugh when I heard that because that is so me, I thought the 'I can't do this because..' list was something only I would do! My life is such a demonstration of God's Grace, its crazy.

I just love how real Pastor Gerad is, hes so relateable, honest and funny! He doesn't beat about the bush at all and yet he and Pastor Sue are soo lovely! On the way home all Ruth and I could talk about was how excited and grateful we are to be a part of Sunset Coast. There is something so sweet about the DNA of it, its so welcoming and feels so much like home. Its the sort of church that I know that if you were standing there alone for 30 seconds I would assure you someone would come up and talk to you! Yep, I love my home church!

Sunday night was fun! I dragged Ruth along with me to help out with a Furnace prayer meeting at City International Church. Before I got there I didn't really have any idea on what the night was about, only that I was there to 'carry the wood' whatever it may be! The night was a success and powerful (plus a tad challenging for me with the public speaking - but hey, its all character growing stuff!).

The amazing thing is I think for me is that I've found that the more I spend time with God down at the Furnace the more I'm starting to feel my heart line up with God's heart. For example me having a heart for missions - which is totally crazy because a year ago I would of told you with a definite 'no' to going on a missions trip. But more than anything my heart for people to get saved. There are so many people who just have no idea what a relationship with God is all about. There's always something ecstatic about the altar call at church where I just feel my heart beating faster knowing there are going to be people responding to God. Where people are beginning a journey to have their lives transformed! Its just so exciting!! Its amazing how we start getting a heart for that which we pray for.

This week is going to be another full on week. With Club180, Powercell, the african dinner and the Mercy Ministries Gala Ball, I just calculated I'm out every night for the next 11 days straight!

Life's busy - but its so good, exciting and challenging!

Club180

2006-06-12T12:11:00.000+08:00

I've proberly mentioned it many a time how much I love serving in our new christian department. Robbie and I have joked about how its 'where the rubber hits the road', where spiritually it is the frontlines of battle and effort wise its a 24/7 job! Some days are just plain hard but the fruits of it is so rewarding.

This weekend in church I was watching one of the girls I've seen discipled through club180, and just seeing her flourish in God on her own now; passionate, committed and serving. Seeing that just makes every heartbreak and tear worth it. Wow, God is so good! We have such a great servant hearted team with a 'whatever it takes!' attitude.

I just wanted to share with you a blurb from our Club180 women's meeting we had recently that really just captured the heart of what it means to be a daughter of the King:

Her heart knows her value to the King
Her heart knows her value to others
Her heart knows her purpose in life is Big
Her heart hears the call to rise up and overcome
Her heart loves her Creator with abandon.

Serving in Club180 is so inspiring.

Sunset Coast CLC's grand opening

2006-06-10T00:47:00.000+08:00

Amazement - I think that's the only word I can use to describe how I am feeling right now. Privileged comes a close second.

Tonight was the grand opening for my church and the night was for me something beyond my wildest imagination. I think its finally caught up with me the magnitude of Gods hand at work in my life and in the life of my church family. I am still reeling at how far God has brought us. I wished the night never had to end.

I was sitting there in the service thinking about how the DNA of Sunset Coast is something so unique, its so sweet. The faithfulness of the people in the house and the friendliness and love. Even as Pastor Brian Houston gave a word to Tony our worship leader I just felt so proud of him and I just thought "Wow Tony, good for you!!!".

The other day I was in the car with Ruth and I just turned to her and said "thanks", she laughed and said "for what?!" and I replied "for inviting me to church!". Sunset Coast is my church family, I love it and I am so priviledged to be a part of it!

Feelings right now:total amazement.

Buzz buzz

2006-06-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

This week is a HUGE week in the life of my church and tonight was buzzing. Everyone was there climbing ladders, hanging cables, cleaning and sound checking, all in preparation for tomorrow's Just For Her woman's conference. Boy, was there an excitement in the air. I just love how Sunset Coast just does everything with excellence, the whole go hard or go home attitude. From the decorations, to the gifts and care to which everything had been done, it was all so beautiful. I know the women tomorrow are going to be so blessed by it! We have some awesome guest speakers coming to the conference, and not to mention our official church opening this Friday with Brian Houston from Hillsong Sydney. Wow, such a priviledge, so much to be grateful for!

Something else that is totally crazy and totally made Ruth's day (because she loves this) is that we are getting a Gloria Jeans Coffee in our church! How CRAZY is that?! Wow, Sundays mornings are never going to be the same again, I'm going to be bright and perky on that information desk!

Friday night is going to be HUGE. We had a meeting for the Club180 team and its both nerve racking and exciting to be preparing for the alter call. We just don't know what to expect, my stomach is all jittery just thinking about it! Gods hand is going to move powerfully that night and I hope that we can do everything we can to be flexible and accommodate.

I am totally in awe at God for how our church has grown from the handful of people that used to meet in an ECU lecture room to what we have now. And its not because we are anything great or have had it handed down into our laps but because we have laid that foundation. Week in week out, rain or shine faithfully setting up church and pulling it down every weekend in that ECU gym. Faithfully picking kids up, dropping them home, someone even getting a mini van to do this. So much blood, sweat, tears and much prayer has gone into this. It is such a testament of God's faithfulness.

I'm not saying we are there yet, but we are definately birthing into a new season. :)

Softness.

2006-06-06T12:10:00.000+08:00

It is so beautiful. How I love softness. I could fall into softness.

Instead it should be your innerself, the unfading beauty if a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth to God.

~ 1 Peter 3:4

ECU IBM Advantage photo mission - Part 2

2006-06-02T01:09:00.000+08:00

The Mt Lawley Megalab has so many IBM Advantage posters scattered on the walls its almost embarrassing. But what really made me laugh was that in one of them someone drew a moustache and glasses on my face! Ahh.. gotta love it!:

The Vision

2006-06-01T22:20:00.000+08:00

So this guy comes up to me and says "what's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this:
The vision?

The vision is JESUS - obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.

You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport.. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.
What is the vision?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers

choose to loose
that they might one day win
the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing...
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed.

Young people who beat their bodies into submission.

Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 - 7 - 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

inside.

On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,

they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

~ 24-7Prayer.com

The Furnace

2006-05-29T23:54:00.000+08:00

I was at The Furnace tonight. I was just planning to check it out and spend some time with God, but what meant to be an one hour time quiet time turned into five hours of God speaking straight into my heart and passionate prayer.

I was sitting there with my bible minding my own business, just hidden out of sight, when a whole bunch of people came in for a 'Monk' team meeting. So my hour of seeking God turned into an eavesdropping session from the little corner of which I was hidden. As I was listening to each of the 'Monks' (interestingly the name of which the people who supervise The Furnace are called) speak about what they had heard, seen and done over the month the Furnace has been open, I felt like something just lined up with my heart, something clicked into place, something moved. I totally caught the Vision that is, The Furnace.

God had been speaking to me over the past month or so about alot of things. One of these ironically happened to be this little place called The Furnace Prayer Studio, so there I was to see what all the fuss was about. Its amazing how God works. Passionate prayer over our city, believeing for lives to be changed and come to know Jesus, encouragement and unity within the Body of Christ these are some of the things they spoke of in tonights meeting. To be part of something that is going to change this state as we know it - that is powerful. My heart is totally there. And I know Gods hand is totally there.

Right now the Furnace Prayer Studio is open 24/7 for people to come in for quiet prayer or with a few friends. But what I really thought was great was that not only can you go there and pray, you can go there and worship God both artistically and creatively. How beautiful is it to see the hopes, dreams and crys of christians all over this city outstretched across those four walls in engaging swirls of colour and prose? Or to have your hearts cry sung accompanied by guitar. Beautiful.

This city needs to know God, this city needs to be saved and there I was, right in the heart of the boiler room.

How far does the rabbit hole go?

2006-05-28T00:15:00.000+08:00

There is so much darkness in the world. Alot of the time we just don't see it smack bang in our faces all the time or maybe we just choose to ignore it, the fact is, it is there. Pornography, foul language, cynicism, hate, pride, self harm, self-idolisation, jaded and selfishness; its all there in our world but how many of us really realize how deep the rabbit hole really goes?

People want to be recognised, they put up fronts and hide behind attitudes or demeanors ("I'm so emo.") People will do anything for recognition, sell their souls, their dignity, their hearts for some dime store rip off. They sell off everything that is pricelessly eternal for their idea of individual 'self expression'. The desire to belong is a powerful pull, we all want to know that our lives stand for something, something important, something desirous. We cry out for and answers but many don't like or accept the answer. People are crying out for something more. If they only knew. There is a better way.

I've seen the rabbit hole. I've even bent over the edge and have taken a good look. What I saw was unnerving. Pastor Sue talked about compromise on Friday night. Compromise. Such a word with so much connotation. Sometimes I just need to draw the line about how people to talk to me. If people feel comfortable swearing around me and acting rudely, why is that? Do I come across like its ok? Do I come across like a compromising christian? I love people, don't get me wrong, even the rude ones... and there is grace. But there comes a time when I have to realise that there is a line with how much of the world I should allow in when embracing people. I wish I could say nothing much effects me anymore.

I've come to the point where I know I need to protect myself. I need to protect the sweetness and joy that God has given me. I need to be a bright light, set apart in a world where there is so much emptiness and apathy. I'm cutting the strings that tie me down, I don't care what the world says.

God give me a heart that is sweet, soft and gentle.

Amazing

2006-05-27T00:39:00.000+08:00

I am so priviledged to be serving our new christians. It is the most exciting place to be, God is doing so much in their lives I often find myself in total awe. I love talking to them about what God is doing in their lives.

The amazing thing is that these are people who never knew God before and now they are giving testimony to the amazing things that are happening in their lives! These are people who when they first got saved were like "yeah lets see.." and God has moved in that window of opportunity. I know this is what God does, but it still blows me away every time. Every week I am seeing people getting saved and lives transformed. Sometimes I drive home from church in total amazement and wonder. God is soo amazing.

We have our church grand opening in a couple weeks and we have Brian Houston from Hillsong Sydney coming to open it. With our church building finished and all that is happening we are to be going to be going to a new level, I can just feel it! And I know Club180 our new christians program, is just going to explode in this new season... Yes, pressed down, shaken together and running over.

There is so much to be excited, expectant and grateful for :)

A room with a view...

2006-05-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

Gotta love being a uni student: Too many late nights, coffee and assignments and this is what I have to show for it.

...its just a season! :)

ECU IBM Advantage photo mission

2006-05-25T18:01:00.000+08:00

This is one of the ECU Advantage promotional flyers my friend Andy and I posed for at the start of last year. It so bizare seeing my face posted all over uni, so I thought I would start an ECU Advantage poster photo quest to see how many there actually are around. Today I was at ECU Joondalup and I found two in the megalab:

In the megalab printing area + On the bulletin board in the megalab hallway.

Never want it to end

2006-05-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

I really should go to bed right now. I don't know why I am even still up, I'm not doing my assignment. I'm just sitting here meandering on the internet. There is so much time wasting to be had online, its really not healthy. I'm starting to suspect that MySpace is the source of all time wasting evil...

Uni work has been piling up lately and I have neither the motivation nor the patience to sit down and try to do a solid hours work. I know I'm going to have to buckle down and do it sometime soon, but right now its like I would rather be doing anything but.

I can't believe its 2 weeks till exams. I'm feeling a tinge of melancholy because I almost don't want this semester to end. Infact, I really don't want this year to end. I'm really enjoying uni life right now, the potential of what I am studying and all the people I am meeting - I know I am going to have to say goodbye to some of them and I think thats going to be interestingly hard.

Sometimes I wonder why I love people and relationships so much... Anyway, I better get to bed. I have to wake up early to do some filming.

Undeserving

2006-05-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt undeserving of something? Thats totally how I am feeling now. Undeserving.

There are so many things to be thankful for I feel like my little heart is going to burst. I've been having so many revelations lately, about the magnitude and potential of what I am studying to be, the people He has placed around me, the place where He has called me to serve at in church... so many things that God is doing and revealing to me that just makes me sit back and go "Wow. God you are good.".

I feel so undeserving right now. Who am I? Who am I to be blessed? To me (and proberly to you), I'm a nobody. A nothing, a zilch, another face in the crowd - but the intriguing thing is, to God I am a somebody. When I say I am incompetent, incapable, and a serial screw up, He says I am valuable, I am important and He can still use me. Wow. I am totally undeserving yet He still gives.

What a wonderful God.

Time goes by...

2006-05-19T17:40:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to write a quick post before I left for church tonight. Seems the days just keep going by so quickly and my productivity level? At an all time low. I was looking at my calendar the other day: 3 weeks till exams! Thats so crazy, where has this semester all gone?

I've got another two week prac coming up again in June, feeling a bit jittery and nervous again but looking forward to it none the less. Tonight looks like it will be another late one infront of the computer, and this time I am adamant I am going to sit down and at least attempt to do a full hours worth of work before veering off into cyberspace.

Its been too many late nights and caffine.. this can't be healthy.

Christianity: Gods heart transplant

2006-05-18T11:03:00.000+08:00

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

~ Matthew 22:36-40

My heart feels like it is breaking. It hurts like having heartburn, except it runs so much deeper. I feel like I need to do something, something drastic, something out there... just something! May be I should go for a run.

Lately I've had a few people talk to me about God. I am passionately in love with God and I love talking about Him when the opportunity comes up, but I am finding it so painful. Just hearing what peoples preconcieved ideas about Christianity, God and His Character. My heart breaks everytime.

In fear of sounding like a preachy post, I don't care, I am going to write this anyways, even if it sounds all over the place. I'm sick and tired of people thinking christianity is some sort of unpleasant or dreary religion when it is not. Christianity, real christianity, is the most freeing feeling I have ever experienced in my life. It is a Spirit filled, powerful and abundant, where everyday I know I am walking out this life in intimate relationship with God and His people. I know that God has me in the palm of His Hand, and theres nothing more freeing than knowing I can trust God with my everything. That my hand is no longer a clenched fist anymore trying to control and hold on to everything so tightly, but slowly opening and releasing everything to Someone who knows better than I.

Christianity is not for the faint hearted. It is not passive but powerful, it is life changing. Its transforming. It is raw. Its not all about 'following rules', christianity isn't a behavior modification program. Its a heart change. When we get to know who God really is, that He is a loving God who cares about us soo much, that wants to be with us soo much that He sent His Son, Jesus to die for us just so We can be brought back to Him. When we have a personal realisation of this, His love transforms us and all the 'obeying the rules' will start to flow from our hearts. This is where we start following Him because we begin to love Him and want to rather than, because we have to or are afraid of going to Hell.

Christianity isn't all about not going to hell either. Jesus came to save us not just so we don't go to hell, He saved us so that we can accept forgiveness and can start living an awesome blessed life that He has called us to live, where each day I know I am walking out Gods purpose for me here on earth. Now that is powerful. If it was all about not going to hell, I would proberly just wait till I'm about to die before I ask Jesus into my heart. But thank God, He also wants us to live awesome lives too, not mediocre, 'just getting by' lives.

Christianity is about personal relationships: with God and with others. When Jesus was asked to summarise his religion, he said that it was loving God and our neighbor. Everything else is a means to that end. I love what John Fischer says in his devotional, I think it sums it up pretty well:

"Here is my conclusion, at least so far. More than he wants us to follow him, he wants us to have a relationship with him. More than blind obedience, he wants conversation. He'll even get down on the mat and wrestle with us if that's what we need. God made us for himself and none of us will rest until we are one with him. That is where we belong, and pretty much whatever it takes to get there is worth it."

I've had people out of church say that I was liberal and accuse me of not knowing the bible and all sorts of other things just because I don't fit their preconcieved mould of what a christian should be. I don't apologise for this. I don't apolgise for not being all caught up in the 'traditions' of what man has created but instead rest all I do and am upon the inspired Word of God revealed to us in The Bible.

It really annoys me when people put christians in a box with random comments like, "you call yourself a christian? You have a tattoo and peircings.." or "Isn't having a live band in church sacrilidgeous?" like we should be singing hymns from some old school organ. We are not 'weird' or 'super spiritual', nor are we perfect, shiny plastic people (as Casting Crowns so aptly put it). The truth is, the main difference between christians and those who are not, is that as a christian I know I am crap and I need a Savior. I realise that I am nothing without God. I am real, I hurt, I feel, I get frustrated! But every day I am living on His Grace and Mercy.

I used to be apprehensive of telling people I was a christian because I was afraid of people judging me and putting me in a box. Nowadays I don't care. I really, honestly don't care. I know that God is real. I have seen His love and presence with my own eyes and His working through my own life - It is transforming. I've lived both sides of the coin, I've lived on both sides of the fence and I know what I'm not missing. I can not deny the Truth that has been revealed to me.

I could know the bible back to front, inside out and have all the 'head knowledge' but still totally miss the point about what God is all about. If I never had my own realisation about what God is truely about, where that 'head knowledge' transforms into 'heart knowledge', I wouldn't even be where I am at now with God.

But thats the thing, I had to have my own personal realisation of this.

I can't force anyone to listen or understand this unless they are open to it. Which is why I hardly ever 'preach' to people unless they ask about. I guess thats why people often refer to christianity to be a "revealed" religion, that we wouldn't even have these beliefs unless God had taken actions to reveal himself to us personally. Which He will, if we look for Him. In Jeremiah 29:13 God promises this to us:

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

May we continue to seek the Truth.

Awww...

2006-05-17T16:48:00.000+08:00

Ruth came home from uni today and got me these cute earrings with this note attached:

Ruth is so sweet!

All for love

2006-05-15T11:19:00.000+08:00

.. Oh how many times have I broken Your heart?
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You...

~ 'Look to you' Album, Hillsong United

Relief.

2006-05-14T22:44:00.000+08:00

After four days of staring at website after website of Vygotsky's sociocultural learning theorys I've pretty much completed the ground work for my lesson plan. Yay! I think I've accomplished more in the past two hours than in the last four days. I've been so distracted... I think MySpace is to blame... Its sad but true! Whenever I get a new 'toy' I have to tweak the heck out of it. Ahh...

Ruth and I have been pretty much locked in our rooms every spare moment trying to do these assignments. My socialising during this time is mainly chatting to her through google talk even though her room is like, three steps from my door. Got to love wireless internet!

Just a few things have been running through my head as of late: Firstly after talking to Yolanda last night about the World Cup and I've decided I'm going to go for England. Its so funny because the last time I watched soccer was in Hong Kong at like 2am in the morning and all I rememeber was falling asleep in a fetal position on the cold hard wood floor at Christian's friends house. I think I was bored out my wits because they only scored 4 goals the whole game. But this year is going to be FUN... we are going to dress up and everything... Yep will be good :)

GO ENGLAND!!!

Another thing I've been thinking about is when I might go back to Hong Kong to see my family again. I'm praying for next year but I guess I'll have to see how it goes with my finances and with work. Ugh, I'm missing Hong Kong... :(

Anyways I better go, my bed is looking mighty inviting right now!

Happy Mothers day!

2006-05-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I do this to my body. I am so utterly exhausted right now. For the past week I haven't been to bed any earlier than 2am. I wake up early and pump my body full of caffine (so much for the detox I did at the start of the year...) and keep going. Theres so much assignments to do right now, its getting crazy and I feel like I'm in a bit of a haze. Just a bit sleep deprived right now, other than that I am A-Okay.

Well its mothers day today. At church this morning we had such a beautiful service honoring all the mums we have there. Every time I go to church I always leave thinking "Boy, I love this church..." and today was no exception.

To honor our mothers we had rolled out the red carpet and as they came in we had our young guys dressed in tuxedos welcome them in, give them a beautiful gift and walk them down the red carpet to a host of cheers, clapping and shouts of "Happy mothers day!". It was so beautiful. We had the little preschoolers standing at the start of the carpet blowing bubbles, and throwing rose petals. As the service started Tony, Pastor Gerad, Heath and Sam sang two beautiful songs to serenade the mums and then all the mothers were asked to stand up whilst we clapped and applauded them in appreciation and gratitude.

How amazingly beautiful - now this is what I call first class treatment and all the mothers deserved to be honored in such a way. To be a mother, now thats an awesome calling and priviledge.

I just wanted to share with you some of the photos I took from todays service :)

Church

Welcome in

The boys waiting for the mothers to arrive

The gifts

The preschoolers are ready with their bubble mix and rose petals

The mothers getting escorted down the red carpet into church

The sound desk

Just before the service

The service is about to start...

Church

Tony, Pastor Gerad, Heath and Sam serenade the mothers with 'Hero' by Mariah Carey

Praise...

... and worship.

Welcome to my church home :)

Dance like you have never danced before.

2006-05-14T00:52:00.000+08:00

Gosh. Such a fun night! Just got back from Yolanda and Kat's combined 21st birthday party, and wow did that go off! Kathryn did an awesome job decorating the house so beautifully and there was soo much FOOD! I feel so sick right now, but hey, its all good, they're only 21 once right? :)

I'll have to post some photos from Ruth's camera of the night when I get them but we pretty much danced the night away. I just love that, being in a room full of people you love (and in this case also with people I didn't even know) and being able to act like a total idiot. Its great! I love parties. Love meeting all the people I don't even know and I love dancing (even if its like an idiot its all good!)!

I have to say, Yolanda is an awesome dancer. I don't think anyone can fling their hair quite like her and her long braids just add to the effect. She is such a bundle of joy that girl. And our little hair moshing episodes sure are fun, though they make me really dizzy!

I really live for the weekends. Weekends for me are total celebrations from Friday night onwards, which is why I always try so hard to get all my uni work done by Friday. The weekends are usually a total write off when it comes to uni work. I was thinking about it the other day when I was trying to work out some sort of assignment completion schedule - I'm out almost every night of the week, and its all pretty much socializing. Its all relationship building stuff, its all about connecting with people. That is pretty much my life in a nutshell.

How ironic is it that two years ago the person I was was so shy and hated meeting new people. Even walking into a room with strangers freaked me out. I guess the title of my blog is a testament to that from when I started this thing two years ago: 'Reflections of an Introvert' - its almost redundant now (I say almost because I still can get into one of my moods). Maybe I should change my blog title to:'Reflections of an Ambivert". Funny how God changes people. Two years ago I would never of pictured myself dancing like a crazy person in a room half filled with strangers.

Pure uninhibited joy.

I guess it totally makes sense now why the life of a teacher is so appealing to me. Not only is it the priviledge of being able to shape young minds and be an influence (Oh I had this total revelation about teaching media as I was driving in my car the other day but that will have to be for another post!), but also the fascination of getting to know each of my students. Who they are, what they like and what makes them tick.

Life is all about relationships. And I realize relationships are hard, relationships take effort and energy but they are so beautiful. There are days I just want to pull back and pull that protective wall up but for the most part I know, for good or for worse, that I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Sometimes it hurts, but at least I know I am alive.

(Go figure, this post was supposed to be about partying at Yolandas and Kat's - Gotta love tangents.)

When it gets hard to get up and go

2006-05-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

I feel like I am about to collapse from exhaustion. Today has been such an emotional day. I am glad it's over. I guess the combination of late nights, too much caffine and too little sleep hasn't helped much either.

Today was such a demonstration to me that I have great friends who help me to move forward, help me get perspective, encourage and wack some sense into me. Its so easy to just drop everything when things get a bit tough and the excuses are coming fast and furious. Its times like these when I need friends who love me enough to tell me the truth, and not just the nice fluffy things I want to hear.

I am realising the extent of how important the company that we keep is. Friends can effect me so much, they have the abilty to move me forward or hold me back in life. Friendship is structured alot like an onion, when you cut it in the middle and you see all the layers inside. I'm in the middle and the next layer is my closest friends, then the next layer might just be normal friends and out and out it goes till it gets to aquaintances and strangers. Who I keep in that inner circle is so important! They have the ability to make or break us!

I am so blessed to have friends like Ruth, who I know I can be honest, share my heart with and not be afraid shes going to judge me or laugh at me no matter how silly or irrational I am being. But instead she'll sit and listen to me and be honest enough to tell me in love, what I need to hear and not neccessarily what I want to hear. Great friends will encourage and gently push us forward to where we need to go because they realise the potential inside us.

John Fischer says it so right when he wrote in today's devotional:

"The reality of a relationship is measured by the level of truth about yourself you are willing to impart to another person. And if you have someone who does not require you to measure everything before you say it, you have a real friend."

These are the friends I know I'm going to be growing old with, which I think is pretty amazing and am so grateful for. :)

Anna and the King.

2006-04-28T00:35:00.000+08:00

Anna came to the ball prepared. She was beautiful in a striking gown that shimmered like starlight. She spent hours getting herself ready - her hair, her dress, her heart. As they reach the dance floor, Anna expresses her fear of dancing with the King before the eyes of others. "We wouldn't want to end up in a heap," she says. His answer to her questioning heart? "I am King, I will lead."

~ Excerpt from 'Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul' by John and Stasi Eldredge.

Christianity is a revelation

2006-04-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

This week at uni someone asked me if my whole life is about church. I was taken but surprise a bit and replied 'yeah.', what I really should of said was 'No.' No my life isn't all about church, my life is all about God.

Don't get me wrong here I'm not saying that church isn't an important part to being a christian, it is, but I don't go to church for the sake of going to church - I go to church to have an encounter with God, to meet with others and be encouraged. Its all about God and having a real relationship with Him, where each day I know I am walking my life out with Him, just like a friend.

I love this picture I found off Janice's Friendster page. Its so true, the Truth has been revealed to me and I refuse to deny it. I can't deny that God is not real, every week I have seen lives change for the better, I'm seeing people get healed from depression and friends of mine overcome drug addiction! All of this because they opened their heart to God and He moved in their lives. And not only in other peoples lives can I see Him working, but above all else in my own life. I can't deny the Truth, the Truth that God sent His only Son Jesus to die for me and you, and through His forgiveness and mercy I am changed.

Its weird, now I am thinking about it. How can I be so different to who I used to be from my old life to now? How is that possible that I can restored through all my hurt and unforgiveness I have experienced over my life can be healed and now live the blessed life that I do, if it wasn't for God?

Before I knew God, and I mean REALLY knew God, not just know about him (or what I thought He was) I never thought I needed God. But I thought "Well, God if you're real show yourself to me" and I walked my faith out. I sort of half heartedly thought there wouldn't be any difference, but how I was wrong. As I kept learning about God, kept going to church, started getting hungry for God, He began to reveal to me how much more there was on the other side! Jesus came to give us life, a huge life, an abundant life! I'm not here to live a small, quiet life, in God I am called to live a passionate, full and abundant life that honors God in everything that I do! It was as if blindfolds off my eyes were opened.

The truth is without God, yeah I could have a nice life, maybe even a good life, but without God in the center of it I will never have an awesome life where every morning I wake up and know I have a purpose and destiny in my heart. Where every day I know I have God's hand on my life, that I have value and He's working everything together for me. Without God one can reach maybe only 80% of their potential but with God they'll reach 100% of their potential.

I'm not saying that I'm there. I'll never be there till the day I go to heaven, none of us will ever be. But as I keep walking my faith out with Jesus by my side I know that He will keep changing me and moulding me into something more beautiful. This isn't a sprint, this is a marathon, a journey where each day I'm just walking it out.

Christianity is a revelation. Its not something that I'm trying to do, its not something I have to do, its a revelation of the Love and Grace of God. I had that revelation two years ago, I opened my heart to His love, grace and forgiveness and because of that I am changed forever.

To be a Woman...

2006-04-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

I love being a woman. I love everything there is about being feminine and girly. I love how I am made in God's image and am a reflection of His heart. To be romanced, to be needed and play an irreplaceable role, to have a longing to be beautiful; this is the heart of a woman and the feminine glory that reflects the Heart of God.

I have to admit I never have always felt like this, thought as a little girl I had these dreams, growing up I wished I was born a boy. To be a girl seemed to be the shorter end of the stick. As a girl I was told there was many things I couldn't do. As I got older things didn't get much better and I developed feministic views and attitudes.

Wow, even just thinking about it now I can't believe the 180 degree turn my whole attitude has taken. God has changed my heart so much over the past two years I have walked closely with Him. His love is truely redeeming and transforming as I began to see myself the way He sees me: valuable, precious, His daughter and Princess.

Everyday as I keep walking this life out with God I'm realising more and more what it means to be a woman, and what the desires and dreams I feel in my heart are telling me of the life God has created for me to live.

To be a Princess...

2006-04-26T16:03:00.000+08:00

"She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls" ~ Proverbs 31:10

Drink Coke Zero...

2006-04-23T19:33:00.000+08:00

Just looking at some of the photos Ruth took and it just occured to me how much we look like a coke ad...

Aussie Rules Football!!

2006-04-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

Tonight I went to my FIRST AFL game with Ruth, Carrie, Marisca, and Prue. I have to admit I am not a big fan of football, much less aussie rules football, but I have to say I had a really fun night!

We went to see the Fremantle Dockers Vs. Adelaide Crows game at Subiaco Oval, and boy the atmosphere is so exciting that even if you're not into it you can't help but get swept up in the excitment! We even dressed up in Dockers colours (red, white, purple and green) and got our faces painted - now thats pretty hardcore considering I didn't even like football! I have to say that now I understand the game alot better it is alot more enjoyable!

It was such a good night out just hanging out with some of the girls, screaming, shouting and just plain getting into the game - Yes thats another first time I can cross off on my list. Gosh, so blessed! Oh and Ruth has kindly let me use her old camera (and some of her photos!) since she got a brand spanking new spiffy one so I'll be able to post some more piccys on here, yay! :)

Carry the wood

2006-04-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

My heart is so full of excitement right now. I just got back from a leaders meeting where Pastor Danny Guglielmucci from Edge Church spoke tonight.

Firstly, how is it that my church is getting all of these awesome speakers?! Just this past month we have had Pastor Magnus Pearson from Sweden, Pastor Zhenya from Hillsong Ukraine and tonight Pastor Danny Guglielmucci who leads a church of about 5000 people in South Australia!! I was sitting in the car ride home with Ruth and I was just so in awe of God in what He is doing right now. To be a part of something that is changing peoples lives, to know that God is moving powerfully - it is so crazy!!

Pastor Danny had a word for our church, pretty much the same word that many of the other visiting pastors had prophesied - that now is the time of acceleration and multiplication! I was is such awe at what God is doing in South Australia I just sat there the whole night with my mouth hanging open. To even have the prime minister John Howard want to go to Edge Church just because he wanted to visit - thats huge!

My God is a huge God and is capable of anything! Today as they were filming my testimony for tomorow nights Friends and Family night service it just hit me about how far God has brought me. I'm not the same insecure and shy person I was two years ago thats for sure! To see the abundance He has added to my life! Everyday I wake up and I know I am saved, I know I have purpose and destiny with a dream in my heart! Everyday as I keep walking my faith out its exciting and challenging!

Tonight at the leaders meeting it was such a encouragement for me. Just like Abraham and Issac in the bible, I am here to 'carry the wood' that is, the vision of the church. I am willing and committed to tie myself down to that vision and bear the burden. I am here to start on the journey of the vision and end on the vision. To have a sense of calling versus a choice; this is my calling, my purpose, my destiny in God.

This is beyond anything my heart can phantom right now, all I know is that theres no turning back. Its just a forward momentum and I'm so excited to see what the days before me will entail as I 'carry the wood'!

Easter weekend

2006-04-20T16:32:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to share with you some snaps from Ruths camera from over the weekend :)

Saturday night: Elizabeth's 22nd Birthday

It was so nice to be invited to Elizabeths 22nd birthday and experience a party african style! Boy can those guys party!

Happy brithday Elizabeth

Those africans know how to party!

Me, Prue and Carrie

They also know how to dance!

Me, Carrie, Ruth and Prue

Mmmm BBQ!

Us girls :)

Sunday Night: Whoppo and Janes 24th +1 birthday party

It was such a good night! They hired out pool tables, air hockey and smoke machines all in the back of an art gallery! Most of the 18+ youth from church came and their +1's (bring a friend)- was such a well organised night!

Party time!

Courtney on the decks.

Carrie and I

Carrie, Ruth and I

Air Hockey!

Boys will be boys... Doing the 'Human Helicopter'(!)

Dancing till 2am!

Kristy and I

Procrastination: The award goes to...

2006-04-20T04:43:00.000+08:00

If there was a Worlds Biggest Procrastinator Award I think I would win it hands down. Its almost 5am and I am still awake and bright eyed doing my media lesson plan assignment on codes and conventions (still.) in what meant to be a productive night to complete this darn thing.

Well six hours ago that was my intent, and six hours later I've managed to do about thirty mins worth of work. Not to say I haven't been totally unproductive, in the last five and a half hours I have managed to update my Friendster profile, and establish a MSN space and a MySpace.com page. All is not lost, I have done something at least... :/

I don't know what it is, but I've been feeling so unmotivated lately. Just can't be bothered doing this lesson plan. I just want to nap or veg. Maybe its because I've been trying to do this for the past three weeks and still haven't been able to finish it, or maybe its because the thought of having to look for resources just seems like such a huge tedious task. Whatever it is, I'm going to have to get my act together.

Well I'm starting to feel tired now, maybe I should go to bed... it is after all, 5am. I'll try and continue more with this assignment tomorow, that is if I don't find something else better to do...

Sunset Coast CLC - my home.

2006-04-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

I love my church. I am so grateful and feel so blessed to be part of a church that is really reaching the community and embodies the spirit that Jesus is all about: loving people in every sense of the word. There is no place like home, and Sunset Coast CLC is truly my spiritual home like no other. I totally love my church!

I thank God so much for the measures He has taken to bring me there, to give me a life so abundant. To have the friendships I have, to know my purpose and destiny in God, to be the best person I can be in Him, to be under an awesome leadership team, to just know I am protected under their oversight and to know I am absolutely loved and valued by God.

My church home is what has encouraged me to never want to live a half hearted life for Him, to be passionate for Him and love what He loves. To be above reproach, uncompromised, serving and doing everything for His Glory. This is the life we are called to lead, this is the life that leads to every great opportunity God has for our lives.

Passionate, committed and serving.

I don't want anything less than the abundant life God has destined for me, where everyday there is less of me and more of Him.

My first prac is over!

2006-04-12T11:09:00.000+08:00

Well my first prac is finally over. I have to admit there is a sense of relief because it was tiring and I'm looking forward to the semester break to just plod along for a bit and relax. But I'm going to miss the students (I'm hesitant to call them 'kids' because they are in fact 'young adults') because its going to be another two months till I see them again. It was such a great experience, I can't wait to go back.

Yesterday I was assessed by my supervisor first period for one of my year 12 classes. It went really well!! I still haven't actually seen a teacher teach a classroom, just because its that time in the term when the students are working on their productions work. So I've had no role model to emulate but what I'm doing seems to be okay since I haven't had too many complaints. My supervior gave me some really good constructive feedback and she said I did a great job so I'm pretty stoked considering I had nothing to go by!

I've learnt so much about myself being in being a teacher on this first prac. It has pushed me to be more assertive and confidant in who I am, (whereas usually I wonder that when I speak do people even listen or acknowledge!) yet also learning to balance that with love, care and enthusiam. I really can't get over how great this prac has been, I feel so blessed!

The reality of it all really hit my the other night. The fact that I am in a place of influence, where minds are getting shaped and changed. When I spoke about Paris Hilton in my class I also talked about the values she represents and what messages she is sending girls. I said to them we have to be critical when viewing media, because for a young girl to be watching Paris Hilton in the media what is that telling her? That if she uses her body as an sex object, makes a sex tape, partys hard and dresses inappropriately that thats the way she will find love and be noticed? It was interesting to see the expressions on their faces and to see them thinking about it.

When I look at the students in my class I can see the great future, purpose and destiny they could have in God. If only they knew how much potential they have inside of them and how much they need Jesus in their life. If they only knew! It really breaks my heart when I think about this, anything less than what God has to offer them is a rip off. I'm really praying for God to use me in this area, that though I may not be able to speak to them directly about it but I hope that the life I lead is an example to them that there is so much more.

Ps Zhenya gave me a revelation about the difference between calling and destiny. My calling is to go out and spread the Word of God, but as each day is passing He is showing me more and more what my destiny is. To be a teacher, and right now, I can't think of anything more fulfilling.

Use me.

2006-04-10T19:45:00.000+08:00

Use me God, use me that I may be a reflection of You and Your love where ever I go. I offer myself completely to You, let me be your light.

My heart is breaking. People need to know there is an answer. People need to know that there is a God that is absolutely in love with them, a God that is totally for them.

In my life God, be lifted high.

Week one of prac is over - hello week two!

2006-04-10T17:36:00.000+08:00

Today is Monday and after a week of prac I have to say being a teaching is even more a confirmation in my heart that this is what I want to do. I've loved every moment of it, it has been such a great experience for me! I've been so blessed to have the mentor teacher I have - Hes even given me his Level 3 teacher application to look at for when I want to apply for mine! A level 3 teacher means you basically are recognised as a great teacher and you get paid the same amount as a deputy principal.

Its strange being in an authorative role as a teacher, when previously all I've known is to be a friend to girls that age. But I'm slowly learning to balance friendliness with firmness, as hard as it is right now. I'm always so tempted to just chat to the students about what they are into, who they are, how their weekends went when I really need to be making sure they are working on task.

Its also interesting to notice that they talk to me differently as a teacher "Miss Tsang" rather than just me, Anna. Some talk monotone and some act 'like, whatever.' to me because they see me as a teacher and not as another individual. I think I surprise them sometimes when I don't act as 'teacher-like' as they expect me to - I actually laugh and smile. It really amuses me. The students in my class are so great, I think they are the bee's knees :)

Right now I am extremely tired... I'm pretty much running on 3 hours sleep because I was up till 1:30am and then up at 4:30am planning a lesson for first period today. It went all good, but my lack of sleep is catching up with me! I'm getting assessed tomorow, I can't wait to get it over with!

I'm teaching a lesson on representation and doing a case study on Paris Hilton. Gosh if I have to see another photo of Paris Hilton after this I'm going to go insane!! I chose to use her for my case study because it was so easy to do but makes me so frustrated seeing they way she portrays her self in the media, there is so much more to life than what she knows... I totally felt compelled to pray for her the other night!

Anyways I better get some rest...soo tired, but happy!!

Day one is over!

2006-04-04T07:13:00.000+08:00

Today is day two of teachers prac. Yay! Day one was so good! Totally loved it, Mindarie Senior College is such a great school, especially for being a public school! And what public school has ocean views??

Most of the students are doing their production in media right now, so thats filming, editing and looking for resources. So I've mainly been helping my mentor teacher facilitate the class, seeing what the students are doing and helping if they need it. Their assignments are so interesting, and I love just talking to them about what they are working on and asking how they came up with the idea. People are so interesting, I just love it! Its great just being there and trying to understand the highschool culture. Just being there kind of makes me wish I was back in high school, as weird as it sounds but I just loved it!

I'm teaching a short lesson on Thursday about representation in the media, a bit nervous but excited. I better go, got a double period with a year 12 class!

27 pages of blood, sweat and tears... (ok, not quite.)

2006-04-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

Ahh. I wish I could savor this moment right now...I just finished my 27 page position statement on teaching, and I'm sitting here cradling it like my baby.

Tonight it took me about 4 hours to write the last three paragraphs, on average (I've timed it) and its taken me about an hour to just to write one, but mind you thats including looking for references and the such.

I don't know if I am just slow or if what I am really doing is really that much work. I was the same when I was doing Digital Media, only I never had to write a 27 page essay or feel like I really had to use my brain cells that much. It feels so good to finish something (nevermind the other assignments I have to start, I'm only going to focus on this one now!), and I have to admit, if the purpose of this assignment was to make me think about where I stand in the realm of teaching - it certainly has done that.

After pouring and researching over every teacher attribute I think I can pretty well say where are the points I need to work on to be successful and effective at this. Also its really made me think about what I think teaching is about and the magnitude of it. To me its about the rising up of future generations, its an HUGE task! But enough about that, I think my brain is about to call it quits at the moment... I'm just so happy I finished it! I'm feeling all 'referenced' out and its taken me about 40 hours to complete but I have got there!

There are a few things that have been running through my mind over the past week but I'll reveal those a bit later down the track, but GUESS WHAT? I got my certificate of completion for my degree in the mail yesterday!! Its official, I am Anna BSc (Digital Media) and on my way to be Anna BSc Dip Ed :)

To do list:

2006-03-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

1. Wash, wax and vacume my car. Its in a terrible state right now, almost too embarrasing to pick up studio (17-22y.o.) girls in!

2. Tidy my desk. Theres papers strewn everywhere! Its like wading through a paper sea trying to find my lip gloss.

3. Clean the cat litter. Yep, its that time of the week again!

4. Finish my 'Teaching and learning Position Statement' assignment by the weekend.

5. Finish or at least most of my media lesson on codes and conventions. This is proving harder than I thought!!

6. Organise a meeting

7. Go to bed!

Letter from a friend.

2006-03-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

I love Club180, our new christians program. I love seeing lives changed and learning Gods Word. I've proberly done those lessons more times than I can count on both hands but God never ceases to use them to help me learn something new or have a revelation about something no matter how basic they are.

Tonight we did lesson 3 - Friendship with God. It was so good, it was just about how God desires to have a personal relationship with us, to be a friend to us and how we can develop our relationship with God. I've done this lesson so many times but tonight one part of the lesson touched something deep inside of me like never before. I was almost in tears, I was that moved! I just wanted to share with you the 'Letter from a friend' section of the lesson:

Dear Friend,

I just had to write to tell you how much I love you and care for you. Yesterday, I saw you walking and laughing with your friends; I hoped that soon you'ld want Me to walk with you too. So, I painted you a sunset to close your day and whispered a cool breeze to refresh you. I waited; you never called. I just kept on loving you.

As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you. I spilled moonlight onto your face - trickling down your cheek as so many tears have. You didn't even think of me; I wanted so much to comfort you.

The next day I exploded a brillant sunrise into a glorious morning for you. But you woke up late and rushed off to work - you didn't even notice. My sky became cloudy and My tears were the rain.

I love you. Oh, if you'ld only listen. I really love you. I try to say it in a quiet of the green meadow and in the blue sky. The wind whispers My love throughout the treetops and spills it into the vibrant colours of the flowers.

I shout it to you in the thunder of the great waterfalls and compose love songs for birds to sing for you. I warm you with the clothing of My sunshine and perfume the air with nature's sweet scent. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and greater than any need in your heart. If you'ld realise how I care. I died just for you.

My dad sends His love. I want you to meet Him. He cares too. Fathers are just that way. So please cal Me soon. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait because I love you.

Your friend,
Jesus

- Voni Rathkey

Thank you Jesus that your love for me is deeper than the ocean and greater than any need in my heart.

Awe.

2006-03-29T11:00:00.000+08:00

Oh my Gosh...God is sooo good!!!! I can't believe how good and great He is! He never ceases to surprise me with so many things time and time again! The magnitude of His power to change a heart!!

Today a girl I've been praying for and that I hold dear to my heart told me how shes realising so many things about Gods love for her and how she is starting to believe His plan for her... I am utterly blown away. There has been so much breakthrough! Its been a long road, but God is so so good!!! Its times like these that makes every painful step in the journey worth it.

This is Gods power in action - I am in absolute awe.

People are better than T.V.

2006-03-28T23:59:00.000+08:00

Its almost 12am. I think I really need to start getting to bed earlier.

Lately I've been feeling a bit exhausted. This combination of late night, early starts and not enough sleep is making me eat junky again. So much for the detox!

Other than that things have been pretty good, I've been busy trying to finish 2 assignments before I start my prac next week (yikes!!) because I know its going to be so full on I won't even know what hit me. I'm going up on Friday to the highschool to see my mentor teacher to figure everything out for Monday - I'm so nervous!! They say its on prac you know if you are really cut out to be a teacher or not, so I guess we will see!

You know lately, Gods really been revealing to me some interesting insights. Firstly how he works everything together for those who love Him. I would of never in my whole life considered being a teacher if God didn't give me the opportunity to lead Primal girls (our 15-17 age group). Before I became a leader I think the last person I would of chosen to talk to was a teenager, and when they put me with Primal I was freaking out to say the least.

But God changed my heart, and He equipped me with the things I needed to do it and now I totally love Primal. I love that seeing those girls reach beyond themselves and take hold of everything God has to offer them. The teenage years are such a key time, and if God never put me in a place to serve there and see the potential in those girls, I doubt I would of ever considered teaching.

It pains me sometimes to see the kind of people at uni who are training to be teachers. Some don't care at all about the kids, they are in it for the holidays or a stable job. Do any of them actually like youth?! The thing is with an attitude like that I know they proberly won't last long as a teacher. Teaching is a mentally and emotionally demanding job. Its going to take commitment and dedication to be a great teacher. I think it will take continually looking at the bigger picture and seeing those kids the way God sees them to be able to push through those hard times. I guess for me prac will soon reveal if I have what it takes or not!

Another thing Gods been showing me is about how much He loves people. He really does. He is enthusiastic and excited about people! People are the most important thing to Him, and as He has been showing me this I've been praying that He keeps expanding my capacity to love. To keep helping me see people the way He sees them. Some days thats a big ask!

I'm really loving uni right now, not only because I am doing teaching and I find it absolutely interesting and challenging but because uni is filled with people I don't even know but could possibly know! I'm beginning to realise how much I love meeting new people, getting to know them, who they are and where they have been. People are a wealth of information, they are so interesting - it is better than TV!

I always want to be living a life that is inclusive.

An autumn break

2006-03-23T15:06:00.000+08:00

I'm just taking a break from my assignments right now but Thursdays are fast becoming my hardcore study days. Its pretty much the only day I have during the week that is completely free.

I've been trying to get over a cold the past week or so and every night I haven't really been able to sleep properly because my nose gets so blocked up I can hardly breath. Ruth's mum is such a blessing to me, she gave me some cold and flu tablets and I am starting to feel a bit better now. I think today is the first day in a while I've actually had to wear a jumper, its 20 degrees celsius. Looks like Autumn has finally hit!

Some interesting things have happened over the past week or so I thought I might share, firstly a friend of mine has generously enough offered to pay out my credit card so I don't have to struggle financially so much whilst I am studying. It was so generous and I don't have to pay it back till I get a job next year! (And this is no small amount we're talking here!).

I finally found out that my lecturer that both Samn and I suspected to be a christian, actually is. And not only that hes the associate pastor at Subiaco Church of Christ! We were right Samn!!!

My brothers old high school sweetheart found me on the net by searching my brothers name (I knew it was a good idea to put Danny's name in the title!). So crazy! Talk about technology connecting people! She is the sweetest lady too :)

Other than that this weekend is the Joondalup Festival. The past few weeks we've been working hard painting and paper macheing, try getting our float together for the parade - its going to look awesome! I'm going to be helping with makeup on the day, its going to be so much fun! Think 250 people, gold, black and a myrid of colourful balloons! We are also helping with all the marshalling of the parade as well. I love how my church is reaching out to the community.

It feels nice to be at home. Mickey's asleep on my desk, keeping me company. He's so cute.

Back to school...

2006-03-23T09:23:00.000+08:00

I found out what school I am going to for my first prac! Its so exciting!

They are sending me to a school I actually wrote as a preference and my friends mum is an english teacher there so I know someone! I hope my mentor teacher is nice!

Ooo getting all jittery about going - its going to be good!

My friendster reunion

2006-03-18T22:55:00.000+08:00

I think I have the attention span of a 3 year old.

I don't know what it is but there always seems like there is something more interesting to do than my assignment, like talking to my cat Mickey, or bugging Ruth on Google Talk even though she's just 3 steps away from my bedroom (I love wireless internet!). And when I really feel like procrastinating lately I've been logging into Friendster.com to have a look since I hadn't been on there for ages.

Its been so interesting! So many of my old school friend are on there and its so fascinating to go and have a look at what they are doing now, what they look like and what they are into. It kind of felt like a mini high school reunion, minus the reunion part. It brings back so many memories, I wonder how much they have all changed since I've known them and where life has taken them all. I know I have changed heaps and my own journeys' has taken me a long way since United Christian College.

One thing that totally surprised me is how many of them are married now! Wow, married. They met the love of their lives and are married. I'm so happy for them!!

Looking at everyone's profiles makes me miss Hong Kong, I get the same feeling when I read the blogs of the one_eighty crew. Really melancholic. I love Hong Kong. I love the city life, I love the church and I love the people, but I also love Perth. I love the relaxing beach lifestyle, I love my church and I love my friends here. I know one day I'll go back even if its to visit, and now I'm going to be a teacher its not going to be a problem getting a job there (or in most countries for that matter!).

Ruth and I have actually been trying to plan to go back to Hong Kong for a holiday, we even tried to get a job at the orphanage there, Mothers Choice. But things seem to get in the way such as: money and then theres other things like timing. We'll get there eventually I know but till then I'll have to live vicariously though other peoples blogs to get a taste of Hong Kong and all the things I miss about it.

Its amazing that things like friendster makes sure that the people you know or used to know are no more than a mouse click away. Got to love technology.

Lesson planning and dodge ball

2006-03-18T16:20:00.000+08:00

Why is it so hard to write a lesson plan? I've been staring at this darn thing for the past 6 hours and still haven't managed to get much done.

How do you teach year 9's media? How do I make this fun and interesting without just giving a powerpoint slide lecture on the codes and conventions of movie posters? Its doing my head in. I'm having a creative mental block at the moment.

I can't even remember what a classroom looks like, and I can hardly even remember what high school in NZ was like. I guess this assignment is really pushing me to think like a teacher, how much time do I need to to explain this? How long will the activity take? What resources do I need? It really is a science and an art to lesson planning!

But regardless this whole lesson planning thing is doing my head in, yesterday I went down to one of the high schools with some of the bible college students to hang out with some of the kids and play some dodgeball!! I was soo nervous, it been years since I stepped foot in a school. I was having the preconcieved idea that the kids were just going to reject me first off, but they were so much fun! Like yeah some kids don't really want to talk, but most of them were so lovely and friendly.

I didn't actually get to play dodgeball but I had just as much fun cheering the kids on. It was so good! Just another confirmation for me about how much I want to be a teacher. I'm excited, I go on prac in 2 weeks! I'm getting all butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it!

Canadian accents are hot

2006-03-17T08:30:00.000+08:00

Last night I jokingly sent Ruth a message over google talk that said:

Ruth, I'm going to get specific with God: "God, I want a canadian!"

Haha!

What is it about canadian accents? They are soo nice! There is a group of guys in my post grad who, you know look okay, nothing to write home about but as soon as they open their mouths and you hear them speak - wow, they all have canadian accents and now all of a sudden they have just gotten alot better looking!! What is with that?!

Turns out in my post grad we have quite a few canadians studying here, and everytime I hear them speak it totally amazes me how much it changes the way you look at someone. I am totally loving canadian accents.

And its not just me, a few of my girlfriends totally agree with me that canadian accents are nice. I don't know what it is, maybe because its not a jarring hard to hear accent like maybe irish, but its quite a gentle melodic accent. Whatever it is, it is soo nice.

I should be doing work!

2006-03-16T14:51:00.000+08:00

I really should be writing a lesson plan right now for media, but no. Instead here I am blog surfing and just procratinating in general.

There is so much on my mind right now in regards to my finances, or there lack of. I have to keep reminding myself that if teaching is what God wants me to do then He will provide for me, somehow. Just have to keep trusting Him.

Anyways I was on Samns blog last night and she had a post about the 5 love languages, I did the test and I was mildly surprised. The results came out like this:

1. Quality time
2. Physical touch
3. Words of affirmation
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts

I always knew I was a quality time kind of girl, but the thing that got me was the physical touch part. I've never really been a openly touchy feely type of person in general but thats because I always try to be respectful of peoples personal boundaries. Though when I do that I have always been accutely aware I was purposefully not touching or hugging someone. I guess just because you're not openly touchy feely with everyone doesn't mean physical touch can't be your love language.

I know sometimes feel like I've neglected someone if I haven't hugged every girl in the room, and I know I can feel a bit neglected if someone who usually hugs me doesn't. Yeah its funny thinking about it because the more I do, the more I realise that yeah, it is a love language of mine. I know in a relationship touch is definately one for me, but I've never thought about how you would express it in friendship sense.

Sometimes you can compare yourself to someone who's love language is whatever and you just think if it was yours too you would act the same way. But no, it is possible to have the same love language but just express it a bit differently! Your own version, individual to you. Interesting thought.

P.S. Another interesting surprise, I also used to think gifts was a main love language of mine, but experience has shown me its not and then the result came back as #5. I guess you just can't buy my love! (As much as I thought anyways!)

Here have a go and see what your love language is.

Have you seen Danny Tsang?

2006-03-14T17:34:00.000+08:00

Where in the world is Danny Tsang?

I think thats the million dollar question in my family. I spoke with my dad on the weekend and he asked me the million dollar question. I replied to him the same thing I said to my mum when she asked me that same question "I don't know".

Danny is my almost 30 year old brother. Last seen in Dunedin, New Zealand with an amazing career as a business analyst (last I heard). Current whereabouts is suspected to be on Australia's east coast. Yes, where is Danny? It is a mystery indeed.

Its not the fact that I haven't heard from Danny in about 3 years or that I can't even remember what he looks like anymore thats worrying. But the fact that none of us know where he is or if hes even still alive - now thats the bit thats scary. Its as if hes disapeared off the face of the earth.

I know he has his own life, obviously, but as his family we still care about him and want to know hes doing ok. Well I do at least. I only have one big brother and thats him. We have a blood connection. He is my big brother and he is family.

So that still leaves the question, where in the world is Danny Tsang?

Danny, if you are reading this you better email me quick smart because I am worried about you and I want to know you are doing ok.

To do what I do not want to do

2006-03-13T08:43:00.000+08:00

Somethings been really gnawing at me as of late. I've been trying to put my finger on it all week and it wasn't till I read this scripture it all became totally clear:

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. (Rom 7:15 ESV)

So that's what it was, I'm doing the very things I hate - the things I don't want to do, I do, the things I don't want to say, I say. As much as I don't want to do it I still do it - What is with that?!?

I guess it comes down to our naturally sinful nature. We are naturally selfish - give a child a cookie and tell them not to eat it. If they eat it and you ask them if they ate it they will say 'no'. Its just our natural inbuilt nature and in the same way its the same reason I always manage to put my foot in it, make bad decisions or act selfishly (Ugh.). Whether its just talking to someone and saying something I shouldn't of or even just remembering someone's birthday (I really apologize if I have forgotten your birthday!!). I really hate it. I hate that side of me, and I hate especially when I am tired these ugly things pop their heads up again.

This weekend was Kristy's birthday and I had written it down in my diary and looked at it ON THE DAY and yet when I saw her I still forgot to say 'happy birthday' to her! I know this sounds so petty but I felt so terrible - I HAD really tried to remember and still managed to forget!! Then not to mention the multiple times this weekend I have said something, or implied something I didn't mean. (Sorry again Ruthie!) *sigh*

Its such a battle sometimes. I know we can't be perfect and we won't always say the right things or make the right decisions all the time. As a leader I expect more from myself but I need to realise that I can't and will never be perfect as a leader or a friend. I just need to realise that mistakes are just a part of life. I need to come to terms with that and give myself a break and stop beating myself over the head with my boo boos, learn from my mistakes then get up and go again.

Grace = Undeserved acceptance and love.

Thank God for GRACE. There is grace for all of us who know Jesus and ask for His forgiveness. Thank God I have a new nature in Him and He helps me to overcome, though everyday is a process I need to walk out with Him.

Grace, grace, grace.

My name 'Anna' means Grace and God knows how much I need it.

Googly eyes

2006-03-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

I have googly eyes at the moment.

I've been staring at the computer and reading about classroom management plans all day. At 10am I fell asleep reading my textbook and then at about 4pm I was so brain dead I collapsed on my bed amongst all my paperwork and slept for a good hour or so.

Regardless of that, I'm really enjoying studying teaching but it is alot of work. Theres so much to think about I don't think I've used my brain so much in my life, I feel like I am using recesses of my brain I never knew I had. Wow, thats a scary thought. But I've been pretty organised, I've got a timetable all set up and I've pretty much have a 40 hour week if not more worth of classes and study. Yep its going to be an interesting year.

I better get back to the books!

Ten day detox

2006-03-08T10:19:00.000+08:00

Ruth and I are currently doing the 10 day Daniel's diet detox. Its a detox diet based on the biblical principals of Daniel in the bible when he refused to eat the kings food and only ate a diet of fruit, vegetables and nuts.

The detox itself is aimed to help with promoting long term health by eating healthier and in the process overcome caffine, sugar and processed food addiction by flushing it out of your system... Yes, no more diet cokes and chocolate for me!! I think that was my biggest vice, diet coke.. artificial sweetner, phenelayline (or however you spell it)..hmm pumping my body full of chemicals. And though everyone was telling me this and trying to urge me off it I still ignored it.

They say ignorance is bliss, but after reading the Daniels diet book I think that was the push to make me want to make a change - you just never know what the long term effects of eating and drinking all those chemicals are! Not to mention my sugar cravings were getting pretty bad, so this detox will really get all that out of my system.

I'm up to day 3 now and though the past 2 days I've been feeling pretty good, today I'm starting to feel some of the lethargy and muscle aches. The first 3-5 days are usually the worst, but my body is adjusting!

I felt so proud of myself the last two nights when I had our monthly book club meeting and then powercell last night that I didn't succumb to the temptation of eating chocolate and lollies - Usually its a HUGE struggle for me, I have such a sweet tooth!

Day 3 here I come!

I hurt, therefore I am alive

2006-03-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

What is it about loving people and keeping an open heart that hurts so much?

I often find myself struggling not to pull myself away from people. Everytime I put myself in a place of vunerability, caring about people and trying to reach out I always manage to get hurt and I find myself scrambling for the closest wall I can hide behind.

Last weekend Pastor Gerad preached a message about not isolating yourself and keeping your heart open. Everyday its a decision for me to open up my heart to people and when people don't respond the way I intend, it can be painful and hurt so much.

I want to live a life with a heart thats open and soft. I want to live a life that has a heart reflects out, in abundance and isn't isolated, protected or pulls away from people. I want to love more, I want more compassion and understanding.

Living in a place of vunerability can hurt and I know I will get hurt, but at least I know I am alive.

The cost of uni books and everything else

2006-03-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

I think this semester is the first semester I have ever really brought all the text books for my units. In digital media I could get away with not buying next books - there were ebooks and well, the internet itself is a wealth of information in the area of technology.

I don't want to make this sound like a whinging post, but I am so broke right now! Everything is just adding, first its $10 here for a name badge, then $33 there for a police clearance. Just a bit hectic right now, but hey, its only a year and God always provides when its His Will.

Anyways besides that, I'm totally loving it! Really excited about teaching media, its so interesting and computing has so much freedom in what I can teach, we might as well all learn photoshop! Haha!

I need to tidy my room, but before I do that I just wanted to share some photos of the things I've been up to over the weekend. All photos are courtesy of the birthday girl herself, RuthJanine:

Saturday nights asian dinner

There was soo much food!I put a little bit of everything on my plate and I still ended up with a mountain of food!

This is saigo, and it is soo yummy!

Ruth and I with our biggest fans... haha!

Sunday night: Ruths Birthday Dinner Korean style!

Ruthie its your birthday, happy birthday Ruthie... :)

Me, enjoying my food very much!

Yum, Korean BBQ!

The birthday girl, Ruthie and our unoffical church mascot, Brodie

Happy Birthday Ruthie!

2006-02-28T07:05:00.000+08:00

Today is officially my Ruthies birthday!! We've been having a 3 day celebration!

I just wanted to tell you Ruthie how beautiful you are both inside and out. I am so blessed to call you my sister and friend. I hope you have a wonderful, beautiful and special day!

Heres to another year older, wiser and more beautiful than the last :)

I love you!

My first day as a teaching student

2006-02-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

I really should be in bed right now, but I spend the better part of tonight trying 'organise' my course work for the on coming year. Its going to be full on. Today I had my first lecture for my Diploma of Education, it was both overwhelming and exhilarating at the same time.

Firstly things are alot different on the Mount Lawley campus. Its a whole lot more arty than the Joondalup campus. You can often see the WAAPA students(Western Australia of Performing Arts) frolicking on the grass in their black legging, casually smoking cigarettes. A far cry from the stark beige walls of the computer labs I have become so accustom to in the past 3 years and the 'computer oriented' people who inhabit it. Yep, this campus definitely has a different feel and culture to it.

The lecture I attended was Foundations of Education 1 filled with 300 other Dip Ed students. Call me a small town girl or whatever but this was a bit crazy for me. The biggest lecture I've ever attended was 130 people so to be in a huge lecture like this one was definitely an experience. The lecture itself was both interesting and stimulating and was about what it means to be a teacher. I think the most interesting thing was the fact my lecturer referenced a Christian book called 'Courageous Leadership' by Bill Hybels which is a book about Christian leadership within a church and also another Bill Hybels book called 'The 360 leader'. Combined with what he had mentioned about his values leads me to believe he may be a Christian himself, which for me would be very cool and encouraging.

The tutorial was just as interesting and stimulating. The people in my class were totally,hmm, for lack of a better word: human. Not that the people in Digital Media weren't human but there is definitely an openness in their counternance. I guess you could say the word is friendly. Maybe I just didn't notice that difference in Digital Media since I was comfortable and knew everyone so well.

Actually I think I was most taken back by the humanness of this course. I am finding this so refreshing. The people interaction, trying to understand how people think and how we think - its so human.

I am really enjoying it so far - I'm feeling challenged a bit already knowing what this profession will be demanding both emotionally and mentally but excited as well. This year is going to be a great year!

Oh and I apologise in advance to everyone - this year I am going to be so poor I won't even be able to afford to get anyone cards! Yup struggling teaching student, that's me :)

Ahh, bliss...

2006-02-25T11:56:00.000+08:00

Its almost mid afternoon on a Saturday and I just got out of bed half an hour ago. I haven't been able to sleep in like this in a long time and it feels so grand.

Feeling kind of lazy today, I think I'll try and do some more reading. I've got about 4 books I'm reading at the moment and the one I'm really trying to work through in time for next months book club meeting is a booked called 'Redeeming Love' by Francine Rivers. Loving this book at the moment, its based on the book of Hosea in the bible about Gods love for us. Its so moving and touching - gosh, I want a guy like that!!

AOG Lift Conference

2006-02-24T14:36:00.000+08:00

I've been helping out at the AOG Lift conference all morning - boy am I stuffed! The conference is a statewide thing for all the pastors of AOG churches to come together, get sown into and be refreshed. It was such a privilege to be able to serve the pastors that do so much to serve their churches.

I had to be there by 7am to help prepare the food and I was bit late. I know, its something I need to work on, but I had slept in till 6:30am after having turned off the snooze on my alarm clock, but I managed to pick up catherine and get there just a bit after 7.

It was totally amazing to see so many pastors in one room - like, these are the men and women who have given their whole lives to serve God. Literally living on a prayer. Some were pastors of churches of 10 people, and some were pastors of thousands all coming together to encourage each other. It was so interesting watching some as they come in (I was greeting at the door) and admire the water feature we have and comment on how beautiful our church is. It made me so proud of my church family and made me realise how blessed I was to be a part of this church and Gods Kingdom. I never want to take anything for granted!

Well I am totally pooped - going to have a rest before church tonight, yay can't wait :)

New Developments 2

2006-02-23T17:16:00.000+08:00

Oh-my-gosh. Guess what?? I just found out a couple hours ago I got into my graduate diploma!!! I'm so excited!!!

I just got home not long ago from enrolling into my units. Its been a bit of a wild goose chase trying to get all the paper work done with uni and with centrelink, and after two trips back and forth to the university today I finally got there! I'm going to be doing a Dip Ed Majoring in Media with Computer Education as a minor, in other words I am going to be a media and computer teacher!

It is so crazy how fast this has happened - applied on Tuesday, get accepted on Thursday and start uni on Monday! This year is going to be full on I know, its a 2 year course compacted into 1 year with a 10 week full time prac. Its going to be a hard slough especially with the money factor considering I won't be able to really work during semester but its different knowing this is something I want to do and can picture myself doing. I know Gods going to provide a way here, Hes already opened the doors. Its going to be a great year!!!

Anyways I better get a start on my centrelink forms, its 20 pages thick! Yay!